Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Living in an Abusive Relationship by an anonymous family member

This was written  by one of my family members:

A lot of people don't understand the depth of what it's like living in an abusive relationship. Some people are so lucky to have found a kind hearted partner that any form of abuse is unfathomable to them. They look at it as a foreign object. They say things like "Well, just leave."! What they don't realize is the amount of strength and mental preparation is takes to "just leave.". And, telling someone who's been abused to 'just leave' is, in a way, even more abusive than their partner. It makes us feel small, like something is wrong with us. Because we can't 'just leave', we aren't like you. We aren't human anymore. We've been beaten, mentally, and verbally abused. We are made to believe that we are worthless. That no one would ever want us. That our partners are the only ones who could love us because we are so "disgusting". Painful words like that are loving words in an abused persons mind. It's been drilled into our mind night after night, week after week. It's all we know. It's all I am. 

Leaving an abusive relationship is like walking over burning glass. If we could just handle the pain and make it to the other side we'd be ok. But sometimes the abuse doesn't even stop there. They continue to text you or call you and say even more hurtful things because they want you feel small. So small that you come crawling back with no energy. Because it's easier to stay than to continue to drown in such angry words. It's easier to ignore it. It's easier to be scared. 

It takes a mountain of strength. More strength than most people can carry. And when your mind has been abused for so long, that strength is next to empty. So, how do you keep fighting? How do you move on? How do you leave? 

Most would say: you don't. 

But I say, you do. You have to. Because what you will get in return is bigger than even that mountain of strength you had to carry. 

But even I can't take my own advice. Because abuse, abuse changes you. You become scared forever. It alters your brain. It alters your life. And sometimes you can never get that back.
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