Sunday, December 4, 2016

Maniac's or Maybe Just Kids................by Diane Ogden

I was a thinking about having a very quiet relaxing weekend after cleaning FOURTEEN houses last week....  not to mention baking a few dozen cookies for my old bestie who had two brain aneurysms removed.  Shesshh I cant even spell those bloody things and that is just fine with me. I want no closeness to them whatsoever...  anyways...  I rec'd a text, no one calls anymore, especially if they are asking for favors.  It was my one and only daughter.  She told me my Granddaughter was begging to see me.  That merely meant my daughter was in dyer need of some respite.  Then I heard the typed words (yes you can hear typed words) reverberate in my head.... "Oh, Carson wants to come too!"  Okay, here's the deal.  Carson is my daughter's boyfriends son.  He is almost 5, so he is a 4. Said boyfriend has custody of that boy whose Mom left him and went off to California with her new boyfriend and her pregnant new child. I do not mean to be flippant.  It is serious for that young boy and ME if I am going to be a partaker of the situation.  Bottom line...I say YES!  No I type YES!  Really I am thrilled to have the kids yet a bit apprehensive.  To the point of calling one of my clients and asking what the heck I do with two 5 year olds.  You know, one almost 5 and one 5.  She gave me some ideas....not to mention it is freezing outside and I have donned myself in brown tights, brown boots with no lining, a pale peach light sweater (OMG, got it at Hells Gate, Wal Mart)meaning it is frail from China.  All this is saying, we are not going any of those outdoor activities she suggested.  I thanked her profusely and moved on.   It also entered my head that I had no kid food at my old grandma apartment.  Gawd, no mac n cheese, no candy, no caffeine poop, no pop...sorry.  No ice cream, no chips, no nadda nothin'.  Okay deal Nana D.  And so I did as I always do in this life.

I met them at a designated place.  They were so excited and so was I.  Was that dumb? Probably.  But we did have a blast.  We laughed the whole time except when they decide to "spank" Gma while she was preparing pancakes the morn after the day before. I say morn for a reason, see?  They hit my rear end with a force I had forgotten existed.  I tried to make a joke of it like I always do with all in life I don't like dealing with.  It didn't work. So I used the REAL VOICE.  Scared the bageebeez outta them. Little brats...

I did take them to the Christmas Light Show near Olin Park.  Carson, who has an issue with his bladder due to the issue with his mother abandoning him to California, had to pee.  There we were at a large park with  dog (Gracie) in the front seat, and two lil people in back seat,

one of which had to pee.  Shitski, so did I but as far as I could see we were screwed.  Then like a flash there they were....TWO BIG BLUE BUCKIES!

I squeezed through the orange barrels and parked.  Success I thought....nope.  LOCKED.  We walked over to the little booths where people volunteer to give out candy canes and doggie biscuits to the site seers.  No one told them the Buckies were locked...  some phone calls made and whalla I am standing behind a little boy who thank GOD and all his ANGELS made it.  I gotta say it was sooo cold in that Bucky I thought he would freeze it.  I also have to say how clean it was.  Heck I would have sat on that one without hesitation.  Probably because we were the first ones to use it all day. And then we drove away to the Grocery store for kid food.


What was I thinking?  They each grabbed a "customer in training" tiny cart and took off.  Need I say more.  I will say we did cause a lot of laughter as we "carted" thru Metcalfs West Town Mall.  We got Milk, organic mac n cheese, cheese, Orange juice, Ice Cream, and GUM.  I forgot what else.  We or I survived.

We arrived home.
 They threw things at each other in my little apt.  I took them to a Christmas Cookie gathering of the tenants I have never met as I have recently moved in here.   I was scared to flippin life they would mess up.  We went upstairs.....they were good.

Then they went into the bedroom with permission from another Gma and they proceeded to KILL IT!  We left with two choc chip cookies wrapped in poinsettia napkins never to return.

Actually it was a fun two days.  I miss them already.  Sort of.

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