Sunday, July 10, 2016

Banana Bread? Diane Ogden

Making banana bread has been a lifelong struggle for me.  Mostly because I gave up trying 45 years ago.  Lately I took on the  dreaded task of re trying.  Too dry, too moist, raw in the middle was the worst and finally I forgot the sugar once.  I haven't given up.  In fact for the raw middle I tried less banana so we didn't feel like we were eating snot.  You know that oatmeally texture eewww.    Raw banana bread in the I Googled what to do.   It said less banana... I tried that and lost the flavor so I stopped at the Organic section of the grocery store and banana flavoring was $8.50 for a small bottle!!  I don't think so.  The next week I checked at my regular grocer and found the standard "McCormick" banana flavoring for $3.50.  Tennie bottle.  I read the ingredients of which were all ARTIFICIAL and bought it anyway. Next time I attempted to make banana bread I used the BRIGHT YELLOW ARTIFICIAL banana flavoring.  OMG is all I can say.  I cannot believe I used that crap...... much less we ate it.  Not to mention it brought back childhood memories of eating those soft banana candies at Aunt Berdie's house.  Ewwww!!
Well.....believe it or not it turned out pretty good.  A little dry.  So this week I tried it again.  I had frozen the banana's because I was sick of trying to make good banana bread. I even considered possibly never doing it again for 45 years.  But just in case I did, I froze those black buggers.  I played busy until they thawed.  Cut the ends off with a scissors and as I attempted to peel the ripe "thang" inside the black peeling. As I peeled, it ever so slowly slid down and out the other end as it folded itself in half all limpy like. (is that a word?) I tell you the truth it looked like I had murdered a living thing or at the least was viewing the birth of something sick and wrong and was going to eat it as well.  The only word that came to my mind was cannibalism.  My significant other was watching the entire show.  I looked up from the massacre only to see his face all scrunched.  He seemed to be sensing my same thoughts.
It was at that exact moment he rose from his stool and exited the room leaving me with the dead and dying.  I gagged a few times as I "folded" the snotty mixture into the bowl of good sugar and eggs.  I could hear  him in the background laughing or maybe he was crying as he realized we are too new a relationship for him to say no to the dead bread. 

I hit the timer and went about some better business such as changing  bedding and eating red ARTIFICIALLY sweetened strawberry twizzlers.  Cant believe I eat those dang things considering they use beetles to color them.  I am not lying.  Its called Carmine (/ˈkɑːrmɪn/ or /ˈkɑːrmn/), also called cochineal, cochineal extract, crimson lake or carmine lake, natural red 4,[1] C.I. 75470,[1] or E120.  See I told you!  Gag away...

     So the results are good.  Well, half good.  One is great the other might be a little snotty in the middle.  I wont give up.  But I will buy the organic flavoring no matter the cost next time.
Until then, be safe, be well, and get rich.  You can buy organic banana bread at $12 a loaf.

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