Monday, May 4, 2015

"The Dyslexic Writer," Me!

Dyslexia is a shitty thing to have to live with. It comes in many shapes and forms.  I could go into depth but there is no need for that.  Simply put my brain gets scrambled sometimes when I visually look at something.  For instance the name Johnson might appear to me to be Stanley.  Bad example but hope you get it.  Fractions were a living nightmare.  And English class was even worse for me. My brain just could not understand grammar and punctuation.  It looked like scrambled eggs.


It started around 4th grade where I couldn't keep up in class.  The teacher would talk but only a few of his or her words were understood. Big blank spots.  I would try diligently to do my homework but I couldn't.  My mother would continually say, "What's the matter with you?"   Well I didn't think anything was until I heard that about a zillion times along with my teachers saying I could do it but wasn't applying myself.  They called me lazy. I sank further each year into lack of self esteem.  I was a pretty young girl so I fell back on that.  How'd that work out for me you ask?  Notsogood with low self esteem nothing works out so well.


High School!  Lord the load got heavier each year in all areas.  I was made fun of in my classes. Once by a teacher, he was the Social Studies and he taught Drivers Ed in H.S. forgot his name but never will I forget his face, who made me stand at the blackboard and draw apples and then erase one so I could see the answer.  Humiliation!  I started to skip school A LOT.....It was the only way I felt I could save myself from the pain. 


Why am I writing this?  Because I love to make up stories and write books.  But I lack the Grammar skills to do so.  I am not a wealthy person so I lack the funds to hire editors.  I have tried nursing homes asking for folks who may wish to feel useful again and edit for me.  I have tried assisted living homes, college students for a nominal fee.  I am trying to learn online and have discovered I was the Queen of Passive Voice sentences and run on's. The words then and than stump my buns every time.  I have Office Word so that helps quite a bit. 


My mentor of 35 years told me last night if I ever thought of publishing I better have someone edit my punctuation.  Okay!  Too late.  Again embarrassed as well as I thought of the hundreds of people that read my chapters who might be wondering were I learned to put so many comma's in. 


One of my clients is a Linguistics Professor who told me to blow everyone off and write like I write.  If you don't like where my paragraphs and comma's are.....just read the dang story anyway because I am pretty darn good at coming up with interesting yet simply stories.   My English teacher, Mrs. Covington, who resides in the heavens is probably rolling over and over but is jumping for joy at the least for my attempts at entertaining people with my wild imagination.  (A lot of the tales I tell are true even though I mark them as FICTION.)  You have to guess what is and what isn't. 


Thanks for your understanding.  God forbid I don't wish to be made fun of at this age for Dyslexia!
Been to that rodeo before....
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