Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Ham and More Ham....................by Diane Ogden

So today I was not voluntarily off work. Rather my helper was sick which meant no work.
Mid day I ventured out into the snowy weather to purchase my dog and I some food and to save my salt covered truckie with a car wash. 
I ended up at Metcalf's grocery to purchase myself four or five slices of ham, some anti-dandruff shampoo considering the below zero weather has affected my entire body and scalp, and some scotch for tonight's bringing in the New Year, as well as something sweet for the next couple days of seclusion before back to work.   I got the ham slices from the deli, walked on a ways and got the sweets, walked on a ways and OMG, Whalla light bulbs and streamers.....there in front of my eyes was a bin with SPECIAL OF THE WEEK....the biggest hams ever for $1.11 a pound.
Now listen. I did do a stint in math class.  And I did pass.  But nothing prepared me for this stretch of the numbers in the middle of the grocery store with no calculator.  Yes I need a calculator sometimes.
The four slices of ham at the deli cost me $9.49 a pound.  The big honker sale ham cost me $1.11per pound for a ten pounder.  So I bought it.  I took it home. I baked it.  I then starred at the dang hunk of pig wondering what I was thinking! (That was garage sale thinking! Get it before anyone else does) Did I have enough room in my apartment freezer for this hog.  I started carving and carving and more carving.  Did I forget I live alone.  I will be eating Ham until next New Years Eve!   Then I noticed I had a bag of cabbage left from Christmas.  So I pulled out a soup pan and peeled some potatoes, put a smidgen of that hog in the pan along with the cabbage and whalla, I ended up with another over the top amount of food.  I starred at it and said to myself, "What are you thinking today?"  I was outside the/my box for sure.  I froze what I could and idk what I will do with all that soup.  Maybe its an OMEN for BIG THINGS over the top to come for me this New Year of 2014.  Or maybe I should have studied fractions better considering my portions are off the charts.
I'd rather it had been fish I over purchased.  Ham, really?  I will be a swollen piggy thru June at least. 
Until then..........laters.
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