Thursday, December 12, 2013

Postal, Postal Employee...................by Diane Ogden

So I have a box to mail to my son.  A box filled with cookies and the stocking his deceased Grandmother knitted for him when he was a wee tot.  His first baby Christmas Ornament.  A Singing Santa on a Harley, (Singing "Born to be Wild!) And about twenty dozen cookies or so.
I work every day so getting these boxes filled and off was a challenge.  I completed the challenge once I found a box under my bed that fit the Singing Santa on the Harley.  (He wouldn't fit in the government box labeled Priority Mail.  I got that box finished easy, as well as it cost $16.75 no matter how heavy and the box was free.

Okay so I get to the United States Post Office today carrying my two HEAVY boxes, note, no electric doors.  I get inside and due to the fact they are heavy I set them on a counter and go back and stand in line.  Suddenly I hear a loud rather masculine female voice shout out, "You cannot send liquor boxes thru the U.S. Mail System!"  ( I didn't know the box under my bed was a liquor box!)

The large masculine woman was looking directly at me.  I said, "Me!"  She said, "Yup."  That is when other human beings in the line began informing me to go get some duct tape and cover the words on the box.  So I picked up  my heavy boxes, got thru the non electric doors back to my truckie, drove to Dollar Store, bought duct tape and stood outside in below zero coldness, yes I know that is not a word.  I taped the shit outta that box.  Couldn't see anything but lime green and a pretty river.

 I drove back to the United States Post Office, got out of my truckie, carried the two heavy boxes back inside, set them on the counter, went back and got into the long line.  Suddenly I hear a male voice shout out, "That's not gonna do it! Has to be totally covered.  I can tell that is a beer box."   I said, "But the human beings in the other line told me how to cover the lettering."  He said, "You asked me a question, now are you going to listen?"  I almost went effing postal.  I wanted to say, "Yes your honorable King Postal Man Worker standing next to Queen Donkey (ass) masculine Postal Worker!"  But I did not.  He told me since 9-11 no such boxes are allowed.
I really cannot recall everything else he said.  I sent the one box packed in the government box.....and was told this box would cost me twice as much because I did not use the government box.  Don't even go there Diane....just leave.  So I gathered my half duct taped box and left the building.  I have that box sitting on my table as I type.  I did not have time to go buy more duct tape.  I already used ten yards on it.
Personally I would be more cautious of a box completely wrapped in silver duct tape than I would one with all the lettering covered and a pretty picture showing.  Duh.  P.S. I am going to a different Post Office this time.  I usually go to my kinder small town Verona, Wisconsin Post Office.  They do not holler at me there.  I hate it when that happens....
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