Christmas Spirit?..........................by Diane Ogden

And so this is Christmas!  Christmas traffic that is! Add the fact it is 5:00 going home traffic also, it is totally nutz out here.  Worst I have seen in years.  I was at the Barnes and Noble bookstore and the Metcalf's Grocery behind the mall.  I think I was not thinking clearly to get myself in that placement at that time of day and year.  That was like mopping myself into a corner and having to stand there until the WAX dried.  Not just the normal water wash, nope, WAX.  Obviously wax takes much longer to dry in case whoever is reading this doesn't know that fact.  Meaning I got myself stuck in the longest traffic line I have seen in years aside from an accident scene. 

I had to get onto the circle drive around the mall to get out of the mall circle of stores....   It was bumper to bumper for at least a mile around.  It looked just like the end of the movie "Field of Dreams" where the cars kept coming from afar.  You know if you build it they will come!  Well today was, it is two days shy of Christmas and they came....from every direction at me, and RUDE, I am talking RUDE.  They were pulling out in front of me, charging in from aside me.  One man cut across two lanes in front of others directly at my truck!  No one could move....His goal was to pull in to the same place I was pulling out of.  There were cars both ways with him in the center of it all.  I raised my finger to him, no not that one,  and then I made the inch sign meaning, "Sir you need to wait a minute!"  I did that twice and mouthed it clearly to him.  I am sure his wife was embarrassed of the old coot.  He signed back to me saying he wanted in and continued inching toward my truck. Where's my gun?  I inched out onto the around the mall lane behind a car and got as close as I could so big boy could get into the grocery lot.  But not only he turned and squirmed in behind me but about seven others follows suit.  The gall he had blew me away.  The gall many had today blew me away.  I have never experienced this before and I have been in a few big cities in my days on earth.  Today beat em all. 

I would be sitting at a green light waiting while at least FOUR cars went thru their red light holding all of us back .  People were just not full of the right spirits today.  Okay so after I got out into the roundabout the mall road, bumper to bumper was still the name of today's game.  Suddenly out of nowhere a very forceful man-woman (It was a woman with balls) came out of nowhere, Sears lot I believe, and cut her front bumper right in between myself and the car ahead of me.  There was no room for her at the inn so she just busted in!!  Had I looked away from the road to change my radio or whatever, I would have hit her and oddly enough it would have been my fault maybe.  Sucky Christmas shoppers. 
We certainly should not allow guns.  Today was a gun day for me.  I would have shot over the top of "cut across coots" head had I had one.  Maybe! 
Before all this I stopped at Barnes and Noble Bookstore.  Love that place, but not today.  They had eleven check out counters going yet there was still a line halfway back into the store.  I enjoy a crowd but this was nutzo.  As was the traffic!  I shall stay at home on Christmas Eve and not deal with those people.  They do not have the kindness Christmas Spirit!  50% were Donkey-holes.  Get it?
Laters......Merry Donkey Chirstmas.... (Get it?)  Okay so some of the traffic naughtiness rubbed off on me.  Do-Overs......Merry Christmas and stay out of traffic so you can maintain your happiness.