Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Nurses Concussion.................by Diane Ogden

Today was amazing.  Last night even better considering I did not sleep on wink!  I got to watch every infomercial on TV until three a.m. at which time I got to enjoy (not) Diane Garcia and what's his name give news to insomniacs all over the country for an hour or so.  My alarm went off at 5:45 at which time I did not want to get up.  Why?  I finally got sleepy!  Too late.  I ran around getting dressed, taking the dog out, grabbing some cottage cheese and  peaches and out the door to my 7:30 a.m. vascular leg ultrasound.  I showed up at 7:15.  No desks open yet.  So I found the correct room and sat in the only rocker trying to stay awake.  A woman asked me my name and informed me I was not on their roster of patients.  She then looked into it further and told me I belonged across town.  And it is now heavy traffic time.  I arrived at the proper place at 8:10 a.m. at which time they said they could do ONE LEG.  The nurse came in to do the standard pre appointment meeting of questions that get asked again anyway...   We got to talking and I couldn't help but start in with my joke lines....  I just cant help it if I get an audience of at least one and there she was live and in color.  She mentioned she is from a farm and somehow I mentioned my grandmothers farm and how my grandmother always smelled like cheese! The nurse lost it, threw her head back laughing so hard she hit it on the corner of a wall joint really hard.  She is then squinting in pain holding her head with both her hands while I am trying to explain how Grandma used to have a milk separator where she separated the crème from milk and made butter too. I have said that line before and every time people crack up but no one ever got hurt. LOL.  Then she asked me if I was still taking the meds listed.  I saw the one anti depressant and told her NO WAY!  I took that dang pill one day last week and never again.  It hated me and I hated it and not to worry, I didn't and wont kill myself, I just cut my hair.  (Big mistake!) 
So then onto the ultrasound room.  The "ultrasounder" person was a young woman (she wasn't bald like the photo ha) who proceeded to tell me all about her latest day care problems.  I tried to stop her because I am done with those days.  Not to be mean.  Just done with the baby times.  That is when I interceded to tell her how I used the rest room before I came into her room.  That I usually always "squat" as most women do but figured it was early and no one had used it yet.  So I sat on down!
And when I stood up my tooshie was all wet with someone else's U R I N E!  How sweet-notsomuch.
Now that tech doctor is laughing and so it went on.   After the ultrasound I was placed in a room to wait for Dr. Hammasagghi.  I read the material regarding surgery for my possible condition depending up on the laughing ultrasound results.  Then I got bored and obviously I was beyond tired from no sleep so I decided to find some music on my smart phone.  I almost never listen to music on my smart phone.  I find it and begin listening to a Patti Page album at which time Dr. Hammasagghi walks in.
I got so nervous I pushed the side button which is the lite duh... Then apologized and said how I couldn't find how to shut it off.  He said it was okay.  NO IT WASN'T!  We couldn't talk over Patti Page singing Little Green Apples loudly!!   He laughed and said, "Smart Phone?"  I said, "Obviously smarter than I am!"  I told him I may have to sit on it to silence it.  Actually all I had to do was turn it down but I got so darn flustered I couldn't think of it.  Finally I held the button down until it shut off.   That is when Dr. Hammasagghi told me I needed surgery.  On both legs.  The main vein in each leg needs to be heated up and shut down.  Terrific.  That means two surgeries he said, "One leg at a time!"  Heck I am working on simply living "One day at a time!"  O'well, I we had fun anyway....from wrong clinic, to Grandma smelled like cheese, to nurse banging her head on the wall laughing, to sitting in someone else's urine, to Patti Page singing to Dr. Hammasagghi....and me forgetting how to turn my own phone off.   Now I am going to sleep and wake up laughing.  Later's.....  Be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you can take time off to have necessary surgeries!  Oh and people to help when its over!
Post a Comment