Thursday, April 18, 2013

Woodman's on Sunday or Any Other Day................by Diane Ogden

Woodman's is an employee owned company which means they can sell their food less expensive then other stores like Bob the Chairman at Copps where they are $1 higher on each product than Woodman's.  (On average in case Bob might read this) BUT that means the food stamp folks show up twice a month usually at the full moon stage meaning every derelict in the city is there pushing pulling screaming hollering honking and being rude at the check outs.   Today was bad (bad-donkey (ass)!)  Now I understand how two people and a car can start a riot.  They almost did today.  I was backing out of my stall where you cant see what is coming so you (I) go very slow.  Suddenly this little car with a little man is honking his sorry donkey off at me which in turn pee dissed me off so rather than stopping and pulling back in to allow Mr. Donkey to pass.....I continued to back out right toward them.  W e l l.... that didn't work so well..... Meaning the little man got mad and honked his horn over and over and over...then sped passed me but didn't get far.  Little man in Little car ran into road block city where people where loading their groceries...you know what they came here for.....and he got mad at another car in his way but that car got mad back and honked a continuous honk back at first donkey honker...and I am like omg there is a riot brewing.  Six or seven cars under the overhang loading up while other cars honking and making my anxiety level rise to the topster. It truly is "devil week" in America.  I shan't want to give that evil too much attention so I wont.  Ordinarily Woodman's is a decent less expensive place to shop with a few more than average shoppers.  I don't mind because I can read my magazines at the checkout due to being number five in line no matter what day or what time of day.  I just relax and read and if I am in the mood I find the longest line.  Its all good.  People Magazine, Soap Digest, (not so much those "if I'm lyin I'm dyin ones though. No those are nasty.) Although my Grannie used to love to read the Enquirer. I don't blame her.  When you get to be 85 where do you find any excitement?  Back then they didn't have porno as a regular station on TV.  Seriously!  It was the Enquirer and or the book Peyton Place which was no more than our evening news now a days.  Sad but true.  Might as well laugh at it best we can.  Now a days we are at "Fifty Shades of Grey," making scabillions $.  Notsogood but it is what it is.  Me, I am happy without whats his name Grey (of Fifty Shades) beating the crap out of me before, during, and after sex, and without having 23 children like the Dooggers,(sp) and not being a famous boob job housewife from Jersey or L.A., and I am happy not being related to the HoneyBooBoo's, and so on and so on.  I am Happy.  Don't forget I have a million dollars and I know how to use it.  At Woodman's.  So until the next time I run across someone crazy,  or something funny and happy,   Be safe, Be Happy, Be Well, and get rich like me so you can be happier.  Laters.
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