Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Little Running Hiney & Bob.............by Diane Ogden

Sooo....  Bob got scared.  You know Bob the transient feline boarder that I pay for.  I know it is supposed to be the other way around.  If a person has a boarder/renter they pay you.  Nope not Bob.  He was presented to me by my daughter who said, "But Mom he is sick and needs help." She found him at the funny farm where I was raised.  I also found one there four years ago and that one has OCD of the major sort. Hell I lived there and I have OCD and PTSD and so on.  She runs her eyes around every object she looks at and prowls the house like a lion in self defense mode.
I told myself that time I would never take in another abandoned child, man, or animal again.  They are trouble.  From now on it would be only pure bred men, animals, and no children.  What happens? My daughter moves in with her small child, she brings an abandoned animal.... and for the record I turn my head from every man I see within a mile.  What's my point?  Bob got scared.  My daughter decided to vacuum her room.  I told her to put him in the bathroom but she didn't. The vacuum scared him so badly. And she let him out of the bedroom and put my two in my bedroom thinking Bob needed some space.  NOT!  I said, "No No!  He wont be happy in the bedroom anymore and he needs to get well.  Plus he will smell the other cats which he did.  He went directly to their litter box and stayed there.  My daughter decided I might be right. Imagine that.  She put him back in the bedroom and ever since then he has been either spraying or peeing.  I live on piss island.  It is a total nightmare.  The odor is so strong even I am blown away.  So the carpet man is coming tomorrow with enzyme spray.  Then back on Monday to shampoo.  I  wonder what that will cost?
I left for work happy to leave until and dropped my Samsung Galaxy II right out of my hand onto ass'fault!!   It was the ass phaults fault my screen shattered.  I tell you I was so not happy...  Got into the clients home and rec'd an email (phone still works) that said my bank statement was ready.  That made my almost senile brain say to itself. "When is that credit card bill due again?"  It is a new card so I had almost forgotten to pay.  I called the bank....they wouldn't pay it for me by phone but gave me a # to call to pay it.  I called it and that kid didn't even ask for any security info.  But it was due TODAY as my mind suggested it might be and I paid it.  Then the Vet called and it was time to take Bob back in for his second dose of ear mite chemicals.  And guess what?  One more test to see if he had a certain parasite we could get.  Oh just great, worms.  Don't I just need worms.  NOT!  Not to mention the four books I purchased for my son (the one in prison) never arrived.  They only take books from the publisher at a great cost vs booksellers at Amazon. 
Okay so I finish my work day, run home, pic up Bob, text my Granddaughter who works at US Cellular and tell her the phone works.  Maybe I don't want to pay the $100 charge for a new one. That is above the cost of my monthly insurance in case I drop the dang thing on ASS FAULT!!  Now I know why they named it that.  Anyway, she says to get a screen cover and phone cover.  So I go to the corporate store next to the Vet. Leave Bob in the car.  Ask about a protector screen after showing that nice young man the cellophane wrap I improvised with.  He said they had ONE left.  It was $20.00.  I said, fine, Bob has cost me $400 and we aren't done with the carpet yet.  He said, "What?"  I said, "Bob, the cat in the car, don't ask!"  He didn't.  So while he was attempting to put the sticky screen on my partially shattered phone glass front, I asked him if he knew my Granddaughter who works at U S Cellular.  He said, "What's her name?"  I said, "Little Running Hiney, after her honorary Indian Chief Great Grandfather and her Norwegian Great Grandmother Mathilda Hiney..  Little Running Hiney. But she goes by Briana Rowe."   The kid was laughing so hard he had to take the phone to another station to finish it.  Actually I found it comical myself. 
I am back home with my gas mask on.  Candles burning.  Vinegar spray bottle ready for full pursuit of urine island.  Charles (God) help me please.  I don't need the rains to come until I get this under control.  Humidity doubles feline urine odor.  And Charles (God) dont let anyone come to where I live until I have this fixed.  Amen.  Peace be to Bob, Peace be to LuLu, Peace by to Gracie and Peace be to ME!!!  I think that is what my Lutheran Pastor used to say or close to it. Oh yea, he was ad in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Amen.  I forgot to tell you.  While I was parked outside the Vet Clinic waiting to go in, a man came walking out carrying a huge dog crate. He walked between his SUV and my simple BUICK and hit the passenger side of my Bad Buick with his huge dog crate.  I turn and looked, then caught him in the side mirror.  He quickly turned to probably say he was sorry.....but stopped dead and starred into my back seat where I have all the products I use for work. ( Must have appeared as though I was living in it, well not that bad!)  And he then turned away like it was okay to hit the old girl and not say sorry.  Like she was not worthy cause of her age.  Ass a mundo man.  I know I have the oldest car in the underground but I also have the only one paid for I betcha. 
So, until the next Vet visit, or I find something interesting or funny, be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich for about a thousand reasons.  One being new carpet? 
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