Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Charles............ by Diane Ogden

Charles is my amazing friend  I have talked to Charles for years.  Sometimes we talk like Brits and sometimes like Texans. Other times Russian. We talk all the time. I was married to a Charles a zillion years ago and I can assure you it is not that Charles.  He died and went to the 12th dimension. They tell me that is the farthest one from this earth.  I don't blame him as he had a really horrible life. I suspect he went as far from here as the Universe would allow.
I used to call Charles God and talk on and on to him and get mad at him too.  It was when I would say things I felt I shouldn't "outta" say to God when angry. That is when I changed God's name to Charles.  We get on much better now.  I was raised a Catholic Lutheran. That's a Lutheran that acts like a Catholic but wont admit it.  You know, all puffed up and proper and serious not allowing a guitar or a set of drums in the ornate sanctuary. Oh Lord no.   That being said I have a problem talking to God like he's me buddy / Daddy / bestie....so I changed his name.  Now Charles and I have a gay ole time.  I talk to him in my car, in my kitchen, in the grocery store.  Wouldn't want anyone to think I talk to myself so I say, "Charles, what the heck are we gonna cook up this week?"  Charles never answers but I know the answers.  I just need Charles to be there and listen and let my words bounce off him and back to me.  So today I said, "OMG Charles, I have to write a blog post about you.  You are one amazing invisible friend. And you are always right about most everything.  Good man Charles."  Or:  In the dead of night if I hear something.  I say, "Shit Charles, whatdoyathink it is?  Should I get the hammer out?  Wait......I think its gone.  Its gone Charles, we can go back to sleep now.  By the way I need favor tomorrow at the Clark's house. Thanks big guy." 
Some days its:  "Don't give me any crap Charles.  I have had it and I mean it.  Just tell me what the blazes I am going to do about this."
Actually I only talk to Charles on occasion.  Ha....  not like 24/7 or anything.  But its fun when I do because  I like to hear myself act out and do the different verbal accents. I bet Charles gets a kick out of it too.  Whoever he is.  I just realized I do not know what Charles looks like.  Weird .....if I do say so myself.  I guess I never needed to pull up his face.  He's good like he is.  So until I remember another weird part of my life or something happy, fun, or interesting.  Be Well, Be Safe, and Be Happy.  Charles and I are!  And get rich so you can hire a really good shrink just in case you need one.  I don't. (I was blessed with an amazing and fun imagination)
Love, Me
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