I SOLD SANTA!.........by Diane Ogden

I did.  I sold Santa Claus.  S H U T U P!  Hey the government  sells our highways, and our ports, and I'm not so sure they really haven't sold California and we just don't know it yet Fred!  So why not sell Santa too.  Ohhhh like all the little kids will be sad huh?  Hey, I couldn't put him up in my small apartment any longer.  Seriously.  For almost a year he stood all lonely behind my Grandmothers red tufted love seat staring at me when I was in my office working.  That had to stop, so I put him in the spare bathroom.  I know that is really pushing the low button on life isn't it.  God what is this going to do to my CHRISTMAS KARMA?   I texted my son and said, "I sold Santa."  He texted me back and said, "What, YOU sold Santa!!!!"  I could feel the negative vibrations thru the phone text.  Come on, Santa deserved to be somewhere else but my spare bathroom hello Joe.  Being such a cutie that he is and he has so much to offer I had to do it. I had to let him go. Now I suppose I will be on the list of nationwide hated people.  Hang on, the story isnt over yet.  So I posted a note on facebook and low and behold (what does that really mean? low and behold?  I think its biblical, Maybe Santa is too and we just don't know it) an acquaintance from High School decided she wanted to buy him. Yes Yes I took cash for the old boy.  The friend and her daughter came to get him the same day.  Oh my Lord it was like so wonderful.  Like I found him an adopted family where he will be happy.  Children and dogs and the whole scamedal scamodel or whatever they used to say on Three's Company if anyone remembers that show.  You  know the two girls lived with the one guy show from the 70's or 80's.
  A N Y W A Y as Ellen says..... I sold Santa and he is gone.  But on his way being carried out, the daughter, Sarah, grabbed him by the balls so hard (trying to lift the old boy) by accident and his head blew off.  No worries, a lil duct tape and he's good to go.  Yes I lived in Oklahoma long enough to learn all about duct tape. That stuff had to be sent by God above cause it is a cure all!  It may not turn water into wine but it does everything else.  Even cures wort's. But back to Santa.  He has a found his way to a beautiful home in Princeton, Wisconsin.  He gets to watch the birds, and all sort of outdoorsy stuff.  Lucky STIFF!  So until I sell God, or the President, or one our Senators, be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can buy Santa if you find him for sale on Face Book! Amen in case Santa is biblical.