Tuesday, September 11, 2012

FIFTY SHADES OF GUS........ by Diane Ogden

So I had an appointment at my Gynecologist today due to some issues "down there."  You know in the private package area.  They told me I needed to have a private package ultrasound which meant they would use a "PROBE" to probe the area to view any abnormalities.  Sounded like an abnormal procedure to find abnormalities.  No matter what I thought it had to be done and so it was.  I was laying there watching Patsy (yes a woman) prepare for the test.  I found myself looking around at the equipment and noticed the name of the machine that was going to probe me is called GUS!  I said to Patsy, "So, the probes name is GUS huh?  A man?"  She started laughing and told me that was the abbreviation for the manufacturer.  Glutaraldehyde User Station.  I said, "Really, well no matter cause Gus and I are about to meet and on top of that I have to pay for GUS the user?"  And she continued laughing.  Well better Gus than Pretty Patty Probe for sure.  She asked me if I wanted to insert GUS.  Really?  Notsomuch Thank you, I have my own hello kitty "gus" at home.  And again she found herself laughing. I was not because GUS and I were now one and being watched.  Felt like 50 Shades of Gus.  Results:  ALSWELL as my nine year old license plate says. Although doc says the ovaries are shrinking.  I said, "Really, like shriveling up? He nodded. I said, "Don't laugh your shriveling day is coming to Doc."  So be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can pay a real hot GUS to come be one with.  Nasty Nasty.....just kidding of course.
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