Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Major Surgery? Really?........by Diane Ogden



Went to the doctor today that I have seen for the past 34 years and who delivered most of my children. 
I went because I had some female issues.  Female because males bladders and baby carrier uterus's cant fall out their penis's due to over-working and over-lifting due to male husbands and partners who I must have been unconscious when I chose them because they were notsogood so I asked them to go away which meant I had to over work and over lift which made my female parts want to fall out.  I think that was what you call a run on sentence.  Whatever, you got the point and I got the message from the doctor of 34 years that I need a hysterectomy so he can tie up my bladder and then tie up the rear end also.  He said if he only fixed the one thing, the other thing will fall out. I said why do you have to remove the uterus?  He said because it is falling out also!  Ducky!  Best news all year.  And....that means two days in the hospital and 6-8 weeks off work.  What will I eat?  Who will pay?  And what about my dog?  My little dog who wont eat until I get  home at night because she is a 6 lb. rescue and has asthma attacks if she gets scared.  Not to mention there is no one to go with me.  Don't want mummie D and one never knows if daughter is speaking to me that month or not.  Son #2 is touring the world and we don't hear much from he and his girlfriend.  Son # 3 could help but is starting a new business in Los Angeles. Not a good time to leave.  Son #4 has a large family, job, etc...not much time for something like this added to his bill, and Son #5 lives far away.  OMG is this where the Van comes with all the nursing home folks in wheelchairs, to pic me up and take me home after surgery? Oh and by the way one of the X's is from Texas and one drives one of those Vans!  My luck he would be the driver.   Back to the important points? And whose going to take the dog out to pee and whose going to pic up the poop?  Not to mention I hope I can do that deed myself after all that sewing my parts back up. God I hope I can at least have a todie before and after all this mess.  I am going to smell like chemicals for days.  Doc says its an hour and a half surgery.  Holy Anesthesia I hope.  And this is all because of men.  LOL.   Of course I take responsibility for choosing poorly.  It's still their fault, all three and half of them.
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