Ogdenheimers! by Diane Ogden

I do not know who Mr. Alt Heimers is but I don't like him much.  I don't think I have his namesake disease.  And I wish I knew "For Pete Sake" so he could help me get rid of the other namesake issues.  Okay okay I probably don't have the heimers thing but some days it seems like it. What did you say?  Which way do I turn?  Where did I put that? What's his number?  Left or right?  At least I remember there is a left or right!   Besides I keep asking God to take away the bad memories which I have decided to stop doing considering that is when I started forgetting things.  Surely the heimers isn't how he will take my bad memories right?  That is backasswards.  God is good, heimers is bad.  I got it now.  Boy whoever stole my movie The Secret better get their KARMA checked cause it's causing me problems which means they be due next due to their thieving my movie.  I have to have positive input daily. If not I could end up the little old happy lady in the nurse home (dying mill) with the stuffed animals all over and the Christmas lites around the curtain rods and don't forget my princess crown! I better run get that movie tomorrow.  No time to read so I have to do audio and visual.  Maybe I have the wisenheimers disease.   Seems I recall my dad calling me a weisenheimer when I was a kid. I looked it up: omg! Someone always making feeble wisecracks, who laughs at his/her own jokes and is generally deserving of severe and painful punishment. LOL I don't think daddydogood knew it meant that.  I hope not.

 It must be German, but then so mush Mr. Alt Heimers be.  He also called me dumbkopf (Webster says it's a good looking guy, with the brains of a potato!)and Shyster is derived from the German term scheisser, meaning literally “one who defecates!) Awwh gross! No wonder my confidence levels are sooo high and I have memories that need stifling.

The Happy News for today is that I am not a Shyster, nor am I a Dumbkopf, and I pray I don't have the Mr. Alt Heimers scheisser!  So until next time,  "Sichere Reise," Sichere Nun, and Sichere uberglucklich, and just in case......"Sich bereichern!"