Garlic..........by Julianna Rowe

How can one little piece of something called GARLIC smell so bad like ass.  I hope my mother doesn't read this.  Or my kids.  Or my clients.  But hey... garlic after eaten, mixed with saliva or whatever body fluids it uses to digest, smells awful.
And the person that eats it, said person cant smell it!  I mean who cant smell ass if it's in the room?  You know unclean ass anyway.  Oh I shouldn't speak this way.  Why not?  It's the truth and we are not on censored TV.  Fact is I heard on Dr. Oz the other day that garlic is a natural antibiotic.  I am here to tell you I won't be sick for many a long time then.  My friends dog actually likes it even though I just found it he shouldn't. But then dogs likes dirty under ware too.  I told you what Garlic smells like you know what! On the other hand my two cats notsomuch.  They are staying far away from me and my breathing air in and out thingy. 
I can hear people screaming as they run away from the smell when I get the mail in the small entrance to my apartment complex.  Good things sometimes come in small smelly packages called GARLIC!  What else in this world do we eat that makes us smell so bad and comes out our pours and breath like garlic?  I wonder if I drank some baking soda if it would take it away. Or some lemon juice?  Or just go to bed and only eat it when I am alone and I've finished for the day. I think so.  There are always garlic pills but you cant spread those on your pork chop or burger.  I know I know, red meat issues.  But wont the garlic kill all those issues? Probably.  And do not go to a movie and sit anywhere after eating garlic because it happened to me once.  The man behind me must have eaten an entire clove because I almost threw up it was soooo bad.  Like I said, eat it only when  alone and home!  If married, both eat it at the same time is the solution.. It really does smell like ass. But then so do onions, beans and booze afterward.  What!   I can't fix it!  I live alone so I don't really care.  Just sayin'!  What's the Happy News? The darn stuff keeps you healthy but stinky.  So does poop.  Dr. Oz says Pooping is life. Same as getting born, having to die.  Eat food to live, then poop and stink.  It's all good.  It's life.  I remember when I was about 6 or 7 years old.  We would go to my Grandma's and Grandpa's over by the Arboretum....  They had no indoor rest room (I am trying to class up here toward the end :))
No rest room.....an outdoor toilet. While sitting on the hole (eeww I actually remember it vividly) I noticed a writing on the wall.  Written was:  "Some people come here to sit and think, others come here to shit and stink!"   Seriously, I swear, that is what I read as a 6-7 year old and have remembered it for many decades more along with the fact I had to use a Sears catalog page to wipe my garlic ass.   I didn't eat garlic then!  I shouldn't say ass.  I should say or type ars.  That is nicer. I will be nicer tomorrow. I had to type what came to my head tonight.  God forgive me.   We can all rise above the "crap" on earth. The garlics of life.  
photo from:  www.thestuckcreative.wordpress.com  And I do not know that guy!