Monday, November 28, 2011

The Suffocating Turkey by Diane Ogden

This morning I woke up suffocating in a darn avalanche and woke up screaming "I'm scared."   Duh isn't that an intelligent scream for the situation.  I have to tell you it was awful and might as well have happened cause it did, to me in the dream. Thank God I woke up.  Makes me take a deep breath as I type this.
I am seriously wondering if it was a pre-empt to the after Thanksgiving Turkey I baked this evening.  It was one of those breasts because I have an issue regarding boning or it that bone-ing a turkey.  One of my x husbands used to be the boner.  (sorry) And ever since he left I have hated bonering the turkey.  Beats the crying Secretary of State for sure.  If you don't get that watch the news on occasion.  Back to todays turkey.  It was done but lily white so I removed the plastic turkey cooking bag and turned the broil button on.....  I walked away.  But something turned me back. Probably the suffocating dream or the angel of suffocation was in my kitchen to save my ars because when I opened the oven door to check on Tula Turkey, SMOKE poured up and into my face and down into my lungs.  Eeeww.  I shut the door, turned the oven off....ran to put all apartment fans on and panted.  Would you say that might have been the beginning of hyperventilation.  Then the thoughts ran rampant.  You know the thoughts a person gets moments before death.  Don't laugh.  I thought, chit I should let her burn, collect the insurance so I could finally move out of this notsopositive area of the country.  Then I thought, chit let her go, lest you forget how many hot fireman show up when the oven is on fire.  Stop, think of all that money the fat cat insurance company will pay for smoke damage that is real!  God bless that Tula Turkey!   No wait....the six pound dog might die and the 7 pound cat might suffocate too, not to mention I have a night shirt on that is twenty years old, well not quite, as well as I need a serious hair new doo cut and I think it's illegal on some level.  But then what the insurance companies do to folks could be called illegal too.  That sentence could continue on for a week but not today.  I am trying to overcome suffocating from first snow and now smoke inhalation suffocation.  ENOUGH I SAY!  I dont like it.  And I wouldn't miss Christmas for nothing or is that anything?  Already bought five presents for my family.  I love it even though spending money can be suffocating.....  the good kind that is. Moving on as we all should do in all good faith. Wait, forgot to tell you when I carved the blessed thing and took a bite it tasted like it had been soaked in SUGAR.   I dislike sweet meat, eeww.  I put some salt on it but that only tasted like I salted a spoonful or sugar, ick-so. Why in the name of decent food would companies inject SUGAR into a turkey.  Yuk :(   It was almost like eating gummy worms in the shape of turkey. To think I almost went to prison for insurance fraud smoke damage over a sweet turkey!  omg seriously??  NOT

(My spell check is not working)
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