Friday, November 18, 2011

Mike Rowe, The Ford Man.......by Diane Ogden

Just for the record I love the Ford Man!  The one hanging out at the mall on commercials this month.  OMG I truly would steal him from Ford in a nano-second.  Baseball cap and all.  But today  I met or at least saw his match! Indeed.   I was frequenting the local Whole Foods store when whalla there he stood in all his magnificent splendor!  And there I stood in my work clothes meaning elastic pants slash thick socks and double chin I have been working on.  Well not too bad, but a chin that I would consider having a plastic surgeon remove part of.  I am not overweight, but I am getting on in years which only means if I see a magnificent fellow I raise my hand and pretend I am doing something near my neck to hide that turkey goblet thingy.  Oh I don't have a turkey thingy.....just a tiny bit of my body that is not as tight as it used to be. Okay?  Back to the magnificent creature who locked eyes with me.  I have read that if said woman is interested she should lock eyes with the male party she is interested in but what do you think I did?   I got insecure and looked away from this gorgeous piece of human being with no ring on.  OMG.  Not only that but I did it several times. He had steel grey hair, long fingers that were scooping up organic foods from the buffet.  I swear no matter where I went in that store he was there and we locked eyes momentarily, yet nothing.  I mean what?  Was I supposed to follow him to his car?  Was I supposed to say, "Hello, you have now replaced "The Ford Man" in my endeavor to find love and sex and sex and love and maybe a walk on occasion. 
Why didn't I get that haircut I need so badly?  Why didn't I wear my nice clothes?  Why didn't I maintain eye contact?   Why didn't I follow that man to his car?  Why didn't I lay down in front of him and say, "Here I am, the one you have searched for all your life!"  Why?   Because.....  Because pretty men are usually trouble.  That's why.  And because I for some reason felt insecure.  Why? Because pretty older men like pretty younger women and I was trying to cover up my getting older chin. LOL  
It is pretty funny I say.  He reminded me of that actor....the one in the movie with Julia Roberts.  Pretty Woman.  Oh yeh, Richard Gere but better than him for sure.  I know, can you believe it? I blew it or did I?
I got a fifteen minute charge out of it and a nice organic meal as well as I snitched a lemon poppy seed muffin that I grazed on all afternoon for my chin.  I don't care....he was HOT!  He was also PRETTY! He was also Class and I like class.... so why didn't I do the eye contact then?  Because I had the wrong pants on and the wrong hairdoooo.   Just kidding. Or am I?  Nothing is perfect. I'm sticking to "The Ford Man,"  he's safe and he cant see my chin.  And he isn't reality.  OH YES HE IS  and his name is Mike Rowe! And the chin thing is really a joke.  I like to joke.
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