Thursday, September 22, 2011

Esther Has a Concealed Weapon! by Diane Ogden

Today I spent some time with Esther.  The Colonel was working so we had some girl time. Esther told me about her shopping spree at The Shoebox in Black Earth.  She was so proud that she "got" $500 worth of shoes for $200.  That's how us girls look at our purchases, in terms of how much we saved, not how much we spent.  The Colonel on the other hand does not. He says people who need that many shoes or million dollar homes have a disease called conspicuous consumption. Although Esther and I don't see the comparison between the two. That just shows you how off the charts The Colonel really is regarding cash flow.
Tuesday, The Colonel received the credit card bill in the U.S. Mail, upon which time he went into Colonel rage in his den and then spread out down the hall to Esther's room where Esther and Harry (the dog) were sleeping.  He was ranting and raving about money and how things had to change or else.  Esther pretended to be asleep until she could not stand his voice one more second.  She sat up in her king size bed, pulled her "big gun" she had concealed under the sheets and pointed it directly at the colonel.  She absolutely enjoyed his eyes getting as big as his mouth was.  She said, "Thank You for my four pair of shoes Colonel and for our Grand Lexus's two pair, I really appreciate them. Anyway there wont be enough room in your coffin for all our money when you go.  And I suspect you don't want to go today so I suggest you say "your welcome" and exit the building before I shoot holes in your shoes and you need to go spend money on new feet, speaking of conspicuous! And let me add, you are not the military police, or my Kingdom Cop, rather you are acting like the KGB and no one likes them. Get a grip and do realize I have a good grip going on too."
Wisconsin's concealed weapon law has not gone into effect yet, but then Esther obviously doesn't know that.  She wouldn't shoot The Colonel.  Or would she?
The names have been changed to protect the guilty.... Esther really just used her finger under the sheets to scare The Colonel. It didnt work! Good story though huh?  It was almost the truth with a hint of stretch is all.
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