Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Esther and The Colonel.... "The Barnyard Inn"

On occasion Esther and The Colonel oblige/resign themselves to ride together in his "blue" (Esther hates blue so The Colonel bought a new blue car) vehicle to a cozy German restaurant about forty minutes from where they live.  That's a long time for them to live together in the blue car alone and come out alive. They arrived safe, but not sound of mind, to greet The Colonel's son and his wife.  Praying all the while The Colonel's Grand would not make an appearance.  Not so lucky!  Here he comes...hold ya nose!  He smells like a wet dog in heat.  That would be because Harold has something against water that runs out of pipes and over the body to wash away smelly.  He also does not believe in deodorant. What? Hey, no one would care if he jumped in the dirty river, anything would help. 
Esther is absolutely beyond her wits as he heads straight for her arms.  And as he does, she is taking in oxygen as fast as he is stepping so she can hold her breath until he walks away.  But he doesn't walk away!
He sits right on down next to Ms. Esther.  She told me her meal was over.
The smell was bringing tears to her eyes.  The Colonel had thus far this evening did her brain in, and now his Grand was doin' the rest of her in.  Her mind kept seeing herself at her own wedding to The Colonel and that is when she lost a tear or two more right into her plate of stake and lobster. Someone asked her what was the matter?  She responded with. "Oh nothing much, it's just sitting here with all of you, that is getting to me." (she didn't say how) And of course they thought she was being sentimental and reminiscent. Esther excused herself to the ladies room to finish out her cry over how she got into this mess in the first place because right at this moment she felt like she was in last place. That is when she opened the bathroom door for some respite and was hit in the face with something worse than The Colonel's Grand's odor. OMG she thought...  what next as she backed out and headed for the outdoors and fresh air.  It must be a curse she mumbled as she strolled away from the barnyard inn.
You see Esther in anal....in the area of cleanliness that is.  All she wanted was to go to her clean nice smelling home but that meant another forty minute ride with the grump.  He was so kind and mannerly to the fam but when they got alone he was grump butt. I heard him myself one day...He was walking somewhere in the condo and Esther said, "Where ya goin'?"  And he answered harshly and with gruff tones, "To the bathroom, what's it to ya?"  Ooooooooooohhh. I told Esther to tell him to flush some of his bad behavior down with the rest of his chit. Might make him somewhat easier to live with.  I would call them "The Bickersons," but its not that good.  In fact I sense a large bomb about to hit the condo and that would or should be called D I V O R C E.  Nawh, only in their dreams.  The word that comes to me regarding Esther and The Colonel is "Stuck like a truck in the muck!" 
What's the good news?  Lexus (they named her Lexus cause they couldn't afford the Lexus car) the Grand on the other side of the clan started High School a few days ago.  Esther paid for Lexus to get her hair colored with The Colonel's credit card.  That was fun.  He wont get the bill until next month.
By then he will be onto something else to crab about.  The Colonel is 70% Archie Bunker, and 30% Scrooge.  Seriously.

The really good news is that Esther "loaned" me her mother's antique oak center table.  Esther hated her mother so I am not sure what all this means. I think the value of the table is truly not the value of the table to Esther.  I just hope it doesn't have any mean mother attachment spirits on it!  I don't wish to be any closer to Esther's clan than listening by phone. Her dead mother was mean and now she's got  a mean colonel to live with.  Me, I got the good table, on loan anyway, and material for the blog.  Maybe not a funny as usual but I'll get it back on track.
I am praying for Esther to get her little shabby chic cottage to live in with her dog Harry.

photo from: http://www.agiftwrappedlife.com/
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