Saturday, July 23, 2011

Esther Your Killin' Me! by Diane Ogden

 This is an angry at The Colonel Esther with her readers on and without all the hoopla rainbow clothes and ass-essories!
Last night we were having a phone conversation about The Colonel hitting the vodka shots while she was gone for an hour or so.  When she arrived home he tried to walk but stumbled down the hall to his "den," or "cave" or whatever you call his sleeping / living quarters, when she said to me, "Oh dear God what was that crash?"  I told her she better go check.  She responded with, 'Nope are you kidding, this could end all my problems."  I sort of laughed while telling her I wasn't sure I would be able to help her drag the old boy down the steps and into her trunk and over to her daughter Nester's married boyfriend's house, across their yard, through the gate and into the pool.  B I N G O! Poolside fun.  We laughed until we cried then Esther decided a reality check was in order, walked down the hall carrying my by phone, looked into his "cave" where he lay sprawled on his animal leather recliner snoring.  "Damn." She said.  "He made it through again!"  Of course in all jest I am sure.
Esther said her daughter Ramos was coming to spend the night and tomorrow they were going to go get a pedicure.  That is a cure of the dry foot.  I mentioned to her that might  not be a good idea considering she has a wound on her foot from an allergic mosquito bite.  And what a wound. Looks near like road kill. She said, "No they wont let me put that "foot" in the foot bath.  I thought to myself she would be lucky if they let her in the darn place at all.  Until a big band aide came into mind. No, Esther told me she was definitely going for the pedicure.  She was just going to get one foot done.  I thought I would split my gut laughing at such nonsense.  A one foot pedicure. Ramos thought about inviting sister Hester but she would have thought the toenail polish straight from OPI was "Radio"active. (In other words bugged like her car, house, computer, phone, wall jacks, etc.)
This one foot pedi was a Lucille Ball or surely an Edith Bunker decision. Esther your killin me with these stories. The good news is: The Colonel lives on which means I will have more material for  you all!  

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