Esther needs Christmas Lites in June... by Diane Ogden
Yesterday Esther called to tell me she was having a jewelry party. You know one of those overpriced to the moon money parties. Don't come without your money purse bag bank. I told Esther I would come to her party. (Just in cast no one else comes) Then she asked me where she could get some Christmas Lites. I obviously responded with WHY, it's June? She explained how she finally after two years of waiting for the skinniest daughter to come help her, she would clean off the tops of her cupboards alone. So out comes the ladder and up goes Esther. Make a little mental note here that Esther has something called something...its a shaking syndrome. No not Parkinson's, but she shakes like that unless she is lying down. I told Esther to find herself a remote control bed so we could go places and the other plus is she wouldn't spill on herself anymore. Orange drink, water, yogurt, various soda's all end up resting a top her large jugs that rest upon her chest. Her boobs I mean. The girl needs a bib and a de-boob job. She would love that! We all excuse her spilling because while she is spilling she wears a four karat diamond, or is it a five karat diamond honking ring that The Colonel got her that way back when they were still "doin it." (p.s. and liking it) Now she prefers to sleep with the dog. In all good taste that is. Back to the Christmas Lites. I said, "Esther, what are you going to do with Christmas Lites?" She told me they were going on top of her cupboards in the red berry baskets cause the old ones burned out. I told her ACE Hardware has everything, go there. You have to picture Esther on a ladder, shaking, in her kitchen, cleaning her Christmas lights and baskets for her overpriced jewelry party while The Colonel is probably in his closet drinking to forget or maybe to remember. Whichever, he is quiet for a moment. And that is always good.