Thursday, June 16, 2011

Esther and The Colonel have 'the talk' by Diane Ogden

As you know from the previous posts Esther had her magnanimously expensive jewelry party.  She survived her shaking syndrome ladder cleaning Christmas light experience and prepared yogurt mixed with lite cool whip along with a fruit plate.  Esther doesn't cook she just lays things out like that and that is the real Esther meal deal. Or party snack, either way.  The Colonel does the grocery shopping so he can keep site on the outgo grocery cash flow.  He got upset the other day because Esther leaves a "night light" on near the steps.  Leaving it on would make sense so as not to fall. Not to The Colonel. "Costs too much, turn it off!"  Esther shakes her head as she walks away ignoring his cheap remarks.  So the party begins.  Her daughters and one Grand arrive.  All are looking through the magnanimously expensive jewel books.  Each in her own time says, "Ma, can you buy me this? Ma, can you buy me that?" Then the Grand says, "Grandmother, will you get me those and that too?"  Esther very pleasantly smiles all the time thinking, "Lord, I have died and gone to hell," and turns toward the yogurt whip, places a large piece of dunked fruit into it and fills her mouth conveniently so she doesn't have to answer ghoulish children.  Then Esther licks the lid of the cool whip. That way it never spills over onto her large chest because of  her shaking disorder. As I said in previous post, Esther shakes and spills everything liquid she tries to drink all over her tops.  She tries to coordinate lemon juice when she wears yellow and rosewater when she wears pink and so on. When I arrive at the party The Colonel is outside the garage with Esther's special dog Harry. He tells me its time for him to exit until much later.  So he and Harry take off for parts unknown.  Well Esther calls me today and informs me there will be "a talk" with The Colonel this evening because he went somewhere, she is certain he frequented a corner bar and left Harry in the car for over two hours.  Boy is there going to "a talk!" Cause The Colonel was popped when he got home.  He slither staggered past all those party women with what brain cells he had left and crawled into his cave den.   When Esther saw him staggering she headed for the closet to get "Hubert" the long handled fan duster for The Colonel's head!  But then she remembered she had guests!  That is why "the kill" didn't happen last night and "the talk" is probably happening tonight as I type/speak. O well this is why Esther gets what she wants!  So The Colonel can stagger.  But he staggered over the line this time cause he took Esther's precious Harry on his little sneaky drinking outing. Wrong move Colonel.
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