Monday, June 13, 2011

The Colonel Came Through..... by Diane Ogden

Well "hot damn" if the Colonel didn't come through for Esther.  If you recall from a previous blogpost called "Is That a Burqa in Your Pocket?"  I was describing my friend's retired colonel husband in detail. Well not total detail, but detail non the less.  He watches every penny, drinks from a hidden bottle in his closet and I don't mean a little one, I am talking where the H does a person buy one of those five gallon jugs of high dollar (he doesn't skimp on himself) Brandy that make you fall down and break your crown all over the rug.  Personally I do not know where one would purchase such a thing except a paint store.  I don't drink brandy to excess. I drink other things to excess.  No I don't it just sounded good right there in that spot.
What's my point?  The Colonel took Esther to the car dealership and ordered Esther a car.  He told her he would get her a basic car she could drive from point A to point B.  Esther wondered if that would include a radio and a windshield??   Esther is a fairly quiet woman but this wasn't going to do in her mind. She raised her voice to the Colonel and said, You've got to be kidding! Do you recall my first car was a Corvette and if you think at this wise age I am going to start driving a BASIC car you are out of your mind!"  At that point The Colonel decided it would be in his best interest to order one of those new fancy Volkswagen's. The Cc.  Yup, moon roof and all.  Why she thought she had died and gone to heaven.  Me, I asked her what she did to get that?  "Did you have to sleep with him after all these years?"  She said, "No."  I said, "Well then you must have blown on it as he walked past you!"  Esther laughed herself silly on that one.  She said he just did it.  Humm. I smell a turd here Esther.
Later that evening The Colonel is standing in the kitchen and Esther is sitting on the sofa.  The Colonel sternly says, "So how much money will you be putting toward this car payment?"  Esther's jaw dropped as all she gets is a small social security check.  Personally I believe that when The Colonel looks at Esther he sees that darn burqa Esther did not answer The Colonel so he said it again with more vigor or should I say more asshole showing.  Pardon the language but boy does it fit right in here.  He then threatened to cancel the car order.  But I told Esther no way would he do that because many of his buddies work there and he would look like he wore the burqa.  We call The Colonel Archie bunker...  Really he could be his twin!!
Stay tuned to hear more about The Colonel and Esther.  You haven't heard anything yet.....

(p.s. a burqa to me represents being seen and not heard, nothing against religions of course)
photo compliments of Omar Sharif
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