Friday, April 8, 2011

Hot Guy at the DMV by Diane Ogden

OK so I haven't seen a hot guy (man) for a long......time.  But this one was.  I recently purchased a used new car for my daughter, put it in my name for insurance purposes, (hopefully no one will read this and turn me in) therefore I am sitting at the DMV filling out the proper paperwork for plates and then paying some jerk sales tax and walking out.  That is after taking a NUMBER, thank God not imprinted on my forehead yet or chipped inside my body under my flesh, which I hope I die first and don't come back to this planet again until its straightened out and its over all this crap, which may never be! Back to my point....  I have my number which is I808, my papers filled out properly I pray, and my little library book in my pocket listening to a mystery novel, when in walks Mr. Gorgeous "ass," who sits down directly across from my plastic seat with my paper number laying on my old working clothes lap.  Uh huh, truth.  He had to be gay or french!  I think French.  The last Frenchman I "came " cross was on a beach in Florida.  One of my only life encounters than could have been dangerous but wasn't and is a good memory.  A stranger who walked up to me on a beach in Florida, introduced himself, asked if he could give me a massage, of which I gave an affirmative, of which was something I NEVER did or would consider, but I did!  And omg....need I say more.
Probably, but some of my friends read this so I needn't say more for now.  Back to my point.  There he sat, Mr. Frenchman masseuse, wearing a flipping black barre.  God I cant spell Berra...you know one of those flat backwards hats.  God I sound like a hick...  Ok back to my point.  I haven't had this happen for a  long time. I was insecure, wishing, wondering, thinking, making cool faces just in case he was looking at me.  By the way, he wore very nice jeans, a nice shirt, jacket, socks, and omg shoes. I always check out the shoes.  They were the European  long dong shoes.  Ok sorry about the dong thing but my mind was cruising.  A gold watch, a class ring, a diamond ring, and less wrinkles than I have.  While listening to my book on tape which I probably missed most of, I was trying not to look at him. Trying not to guess his age, trying to look cool by making those faces I know look best on me. When I got out to my car I double checked some of those faces in my rear view mirror and I must have looked like an idiot, or a woman trying to make cool faces for him. Bet he's seen this before.  Shitsky! All the time sneaking peeks at him noticing he laughed and he yawned and I could see he didn't have many fillings in his teeth...hummm had me beat on that one too.  Made me mad I didn't have nice clothes on and my rings and watch on.  That I hadn't gotten my mini face lift at $3,000, but gave that money away to needy kids. ha. Made me self conscious that the eye glasses I just got are tinted a bit too dark in the yellow/brown area so I look like I have liver issues. Shitsky! Then there are my black socks I prayed didn't show any dog hair that may have decided to travel with me from my house.  Add the $5 on sale Wal Mart (China) pants I had on that I wore to work...hey, I had a Ralph Lauren shirt on but not the push up bra, rather the Ah Hah one. You know the flat sleeper one. Add to this, I have a bump on my nose so I tried not to turn sideways, then I tried to have the God look, the squinty cute sweet eyes...You know that one, that look?  I hope I never see him again because he probably knew exactly what I was doing.  Trying to look better than I look, trying to hide the wrinkles of stress and mere aging.  Then I realized he probably had a skinny wiener so I left him at the DMV all alone with my facial expression memories.  He probably blogged about the woman he sat across at the Department of Motor Vehicles that he was sure was trying to impress him in every way possible.  What a compliment he said!  He is right. He was a compliment to the entire room and to me. Thank You Mr. French.  You stood out among the all....the Spanish, the Orientals and all the rest of the almost hundred people sitting waiting for their number to be called.  He could call my number anytime.  Make my day....you did Mr. French, you did.  Thanks for the memory.
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