Friday, August 28, 2009

I Feel Like the Biggest Loser by Diane Ogden

I said I feel like the biggest loser from that TV reality show... Not really! But really and only because I was going thru a million bins of old clothes and "stuff" for a garage sale at the "funny farm," (for all who might not know that is the old family homestead with issues) and I came across my old work out suit. Yup, I got it when I was 42, just after "BEARING," grrrrrr, my last of five children. I never did know when to quit. And have since learned only because my body said no more. And then my testosterone levels rose and I didn't want anymore thank God. Back to the work out.... It was late at night when I found the pretty aqua stretchy piece of Lycra and spandex.... I starred at it reminiscing the good old days...
S H U T U P and dream on. I decided to put it on and take a self portrait for the kids to find in the jewel box someday upon my demise! I have a stash of goodies in there for them. God I hope they don't miss them after all this. Rings Cody made me in art class in Jr. High. L's baby shoes and brush, newspaper articles, My account payables book from the better years, just in case no one tells them I was very successful once or twice. Back to Lycra and spandex! I stand up and begin to pull, pull, and then PULL some more of it onto my body. Now I am a couple inches shorter and seven pounds more than the last time I wore it. I continued pulling and then tried laying on the bed with my legs in the air still pulling. I figured if I could only stand on my head I could get this thang on easier! It was all about gravity and trying to stuff things into and it over them. Follow me? I finally got it on! I couldn't move to find the camera. I sat there wondering if getting if off would entail the same difficulty and if I even had the strength to do so. The heart institute could use it for patients after surgery...there is NO ROOM for blood clots in it because the blood cant even flow. Now you get why I felt like the biggest loser. Gravity and my spandex twenty years later. I will try it again one day and post the newest picture for you all. When I get the energy to fight it again and have the camera close by.
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