Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Buick and Jail Time...by Diane Ogden


I have always driven a car I was proud of. Well almost always. Once my second husband decided to buy me a car. How nice huh? Well the hubs brought home an old used Police Car! Yup he did. Was I happy? Nope I wasn't. Was I embarrassed? Yup I was for a long time. Kate and John plus 8 had nothin on me! I'm fine.....it was a long time ago and I am over it, can't you tell? Back to my point. I hit some hard times in 2003 - 2007. My 2000 Dodge Intrepid was getting embarrassing. (not like the old police car!) So my parents bought a new Buick from my brother who owns a dealership in upper Wisconsin and they gave me the old Buick. Mudflaps, whitewalls and all! I then gave my 18 year old Grand-daughter my Intrepid so she could find a job. What's my point? I have made so many jokes about this Buick. Like how I can go to any local restaurant and line up with the rest of the Buick's, eat eggs, and fit right in! All old people own a Buick and I was not ready for a Buick. But I got one, free, paid for. So I made myself be thankful. (i.e.Oprah) No one gets in trouble for one drink duh....but my life has been run by the guilt button......so I forgot. Friday night I drove 25 miles to my home town to have fish with a facebook friend I hadn't seen in years. We had fish! I had one scotch and soda. I left the "bar" around 10:30 and took the back roads home. I was going thru a small town when I noticed a police car sitting bored. I knew that I knew he was going to stop me. I didn't know why, I just knew. I started digging in my purse for the ONE Halls Menthol Liptus STRONG smelling cough drop. Do you know any woman with an organized purse? Nope. I dug and I dug and I found IT just as the red and blue and white lights started circling my bladder!! Oh for sure! I thought to myself, "Why is he stopping me?" I am not speeding. Sheit, its the plates. Whose going to take my dog out to podie? omg! He comes to my Buick window. I have my drivers license ready. I cant even tell you what I said. Blah blah blah. I had practiced this a hundred times. Why? Because my mind goes fast and I imagine allot. That is why I write novels see? OK so he says I have no plates. And I am searching for the title I know I put in the car. Then I go into my best form of master salesmanship. I have been told I was a born salesperson. It worked. I told him with Halls Menthol breath that my Mother GAVE me this car....and I gave my Grand-daughter my car. That my brother owns the dealership listed on those plates... ALL AMERICAN APPLE PIE FAMILY uh huh!! He never asked me if I had been drinking. Why would he ask an old lady in a Buick with white walls and mud flaps.
S H U T U P! Am I now thankful for the Buick. Oh yes I am! He let me go...no warning nothing.
He was just bored is all. I was not bored! And I informed him that he scared me near to death. Another sales pitch is all. The older I get the better I get. He apologized! LOL
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