Friday, September 7, 2018

Who Would You Spend Your Last Day on Earth With?

Who would you spend your last day on earth with?  I said Who? Meaning only one person can be the answer. 

At first I thought about my children but which one would I chose? Impossible.

Next I thought about my boyfriend of several years. I quickly decided I had already spent several years with him so he was off the list.

Then I pondered quietly.  Who would I want to spend my last day on this earth with?  The day I would die and move onto "something" they, whoever they is, call heaven. Actually I believe Heaven has many rooms and we will all go there, to heaven that is.  Only difference is we will go to different rooms like in school. Some may need Kindergarten heaven.  Others my get a good Harvard Heaven window.  Some may get jail heaven idk..... Just depends on what energy you are carrying around.

So after a time of pondering the answer simply came to me quietly.

I would chose Dolly Parton to spend my last day on earth with.  Yup.  I wouldn't get sweet warm gentle kisses by choosing her like I would from my boyfriend.  I wouldn't get arms wrapped around me securely warding off any and all fear of what room I might end up in...  I wouldn't get my last chance to ever make physical love with my or any man.  But I found that was okay because what I like best in life is laughter and singing.  Who better to talk, sing, and laugh with on my last day of life.

Dolly is a sweet, smart, Godly woman. She  makes the cleverest jokes but so do I.  I suspect we would be going back and forth on that all day taking turns making one another laugh. And I would eat some wedding cake, drink a couple Scotch and Soda's and sing some duet's with her. Maybe even record them for my children.  She is a loving person so I figure she would put her tiny arm around me and maybe even sing an impromptu song about livin' and dyin'.  She would pray with me.  Then we would both cry a few times in between the considerable amount of giggling and hearty laughing.  I would listen to her stories of her life.  She could tell me about anything considering I wouldn't be around to share it.  She would take me for a ride in her convertible over the hills and we would glory at the trees, clouds, and the magnificent sun.

She would say in that sweet southern voice, "Awh honey, they are gonna just love you when you get to that next stop with Jesus. Why the table is already set up for you. And when my time comes I will be sure to find you no matter what room  your assigned to!"

They day would be filled with words of faith, love, and laughter from her tiny person to my person.

Well I'm not sick and or dying that I know of.  It just came to me today who I would want to spend that last day with.

I like my choice.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017


It was a night like any other after a day of the same.  They all ran together anymore like time.  My body was drifting away from my mind by each passing day.  I lived in a gray area. That time between life, you know real life and death?  Real life was when I lived for another day.  This was each day waiting to pass away to another.  You see, I lived in a “nursing home” and that was my daily existence.  Oh they tried to make it a workable situation.  A situation is exactly what it was.  They fed me.  They washed my clothes.  They found activities a second grader could handle.  Such as cutting paper and gluing it to another piece of paper and calling it Emil’s Paper Sculpture.  Oh, and I was person of the week once but there was no Mother or son around to make my giant poster placing each photograph perfectly next to another of our pets or me riding my pony.   There was no daughter to check on my care.  Just me alone in one room I paid for during my working years.  I surely thought I had done somewhat better than this.  One window,  dull walls, no curtains, no radio, and especially no computer for me to live out my days through others.  Prison might have been more fun actually.  A barrage of crazies to watch, listen to, and definitely more activities.  Maybe no Bible in the drawer but then I had already read that a couple times and I am still in the dying room.  I guess each day of life is another day toward dying.  We just don’t get to know which day or year.  And every decision big or small makes our days good or bad as they lead us to the day we pass away.  
Then came a day that turned out different from the rest, when Nurse Amy informed me I had a visitor.
 A visitor?  My mind didn’t get too excited for it was probably the “mill’s” Chaplain doing his Godly duty making sure I had my Godly ducks in a row in case this was my day to go.  Most people enjoyed his visits except me.  I always wondered what he was hiding behind his little clean white crisp God collar.  I figured when it came right down to it we were both going to the same place, answering to the same Universe.  I was probably more honest with my old dirty blue collar than Mr. Chaplain ever had been. 
Turned out I was wrong because in walked the prettiest lady I had seen in a long time besides a few of the aides, but they were like Great Grandchildren to me. I surely did not view them as pretty or otherwise.  No, this lady carried a special aura around her entire being as she walked over and laid her hand upon mine.   Why I wondered if God had sent a true to life Angel to come for me.  What a joy to walk through the passageway of time with this beauty.   She was almost as pretty as my beloved mama. 
She introduced herself as  Miss Julianna.  Said she had come to listen to whatever I wanted to talk about.   I just stared at her for the longest time.   She took my hand in hers as she looked past my old eyes and into my lonely mind.   She told me she cared what I thought about, and she cared about my feelings as she squeezed my hand.   She was interested in anything I had to say.   Funny thing was I couldn’t think of a thing to say.  I could only stare into her beautiful green eyes and long thick red hair.  Her eyes seemed to summon the old me to come out and play like I was a young twenty year old again.  
I smiled what I recall being the first smile in a very long time.   And then reality struck and I worried I might not smell the best.  They only washed us up some before bed and that was if they had time.  As for a shower, that came once a week and it hadn’t been that day.   I had no pretty rings anymore.  No nice watch or crisp clean shirt with pressed slacks to impress Miss Julianna.  My skin was dry and I wondered if my breath was offensive.   And then I realized she did not care about my physical body at all.  She cared about my spirit and who I was all my life. She cared about my spirit forever into infinity. My life mattered because one person cared.  Really cared.
And so it was that day while I lay dying she listened to all that was in my heart.  And she listened for hours while holding my hand and sipping her lemon water.  
I passed away that day.  But I took with me that twenty year old man and a renewed confidence I could handle what came next……..

Love, Emil.

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Waves of Scented Cordiality.........a Short of Diane Ogden

Waves of Scented Cordiality   

It was late evening when I departed Missouri headed for deeper southern parts of this country with its so called freedom of everything.  Somehow lately that was becoming a trend of the past. The Freedom thing that is.  Government seemed to be taking over in an undercover manner that reminded me of the MAFIA days in the sixties.  Same deal, different year.  No there wasn’t the public gunshots and bloodshed at the bars of brotherly love in Chicago and New York like in the 40’s.  No this takeover of the masses was smooth as it was hidden behind congressional doors.  I paid as little attention to it as I could considering my inability to stop it although I did wonder on occasion, should I store up some water jugs and cans of tuna just in case.  In case of what?  I was never sure of what.  I heard tell of secret concentration camps for the poor and those who didn't agree with the new world leaders and their antics.  Conspiracy theorist?  No I was never one of those.  But hey, come on, I wasn’t blind either.  Most people with any sense knew change was on the horizon. But then it always is in one fashion or another.  The country was being run by old fogies hiding in the underworld of what we used to call democracy.  My goal was to move as far away from my home country as finances would allow. I no longer considered it land of the free.  I did consider it home of the brave for anyone who had no choice but to stay.
I had not traveled even midway toward my destination when my car broke down.  I was in a small town in Oklahoma. 
Being a very structured person I had all my papers in order for the border crossing into Mexico as well as I had purchased a beautiful villa on the coast, from a friend.  That friend had made his way to Australia, one of the few less ruled countries in the world. Nevertheless, there I was in little "timbuck40” Okmulgee, Oklahoma calling for a wrecker and feeling very alone on the side of the road in the middle of no where'sville.
The wrecker arrived within a half hour.  To my pleasant surprise a tiny little woman leaped down from the cab with ease greeting me with the standard, "Howdie do!" Almost Minnie Pearl like.  Why she looked to be the size of a twelve year old. I had to giggle to myself. 
After all the necessary vehicle security hook ups we climbed into the cab and headed back for Okmulgee, population 12,331 give or take a few.  I know, it sounds like the name of an old army stew.  Rather it means bubbling water.  This from Wikipedia: Okmulgee, city, seat (1907) of Okmulgee county, east-central Oklahoma, U.S. It lies near the Deep Fork of the North Canadian River, south of Tulsa. Its name (meaning “bubbling water”) comes from a Creek Indian town in Alabama. It was the capital of the Creek Nation from 1868 until Oklahoma achieved statehood in 1907. Settled by whites about 1889, Okmulgee boomed after the discovery of oil in 1904 and is now a commercial and industrial centre for oil and gas production and agriculture (pecans, cotton, wheat, corn [maize], cattle).
On our ride back to the city the woman told me all about herself.  She had seven children.  She owned the local tire store with an attached vehicle repair center. Her husband had run off a few years back and instead of wallowing in the self-pity of it all, she started her own business.  She then listed one by one each of her children’s ages and duties.  She had some dandy stories to tell me during our forty minute trek back. Oddly she also shared with me how she was born again and baptized in the Holy Spirit. She asked me if I was interested and before I could say yes or no or ask any further questions I was being laid hands on and talking goobly goo. I couldn’t have said no anyway as it was hard to get a word in edgewise. There was much laughter in the cab of that shiny yellow tow truck that day as well as a miracle that now I realize was orchestrated by someone outside this world.  Sometimes it’s best we do not know what the future holds.
Upon arrival at the repair shop she offered me a loaner vehicle, at a price of course.
It was wheat harvesting time in that area.  I had taken a drive out and about the countryside while my car was being repaired.  There really wasn't much to see besides wheat fields in that part of the country.  The continuing yellow fields all appeared normal until I came to pass a field appearing to have been partially flooded with something besides rainwater.  It looked like milk.  A huge field of mashed down wheat soaking in milk.  Oddest thing I had ever seen.  I slowed down to the point I was creeping along about ten mph.  There was a curve in the road and as I rounded that bend there stood two white animals.  They were actually two of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen.  I knew I shouldn't stop and get out but I had to.  Some force other than anything I had ever known was pulling me toward those animals. Was it a hallucination? The thick milky substance in the field, and the odd looking animals, should have totally creeped me out and I should have driven away as fast as humanly possible, but I did not.  As I walked toward them I again noticed something odd.  Their eyes were shining like tiny stars. Were they real or mystical openings of light from somewhere other.  They were not what I knew an apparition to look like. Was I dreaming?  No.  I reached out to the smaller one what appeared to be a cow.  The other was a large dog.  Both very similar in size.  I know, weird right?  Each time I touched one of the animals it felt like I was in another world.  A peace came over me that I had never experienced on this earth. Waves of scented cordiality. I was being invited but to what?  It was then I began to feel frightened.  I backed away, got into my vehicle and drove on still in fear yet in some sort of yearning for more manifestations from another dimension and or my own sanity to return.  Searching for other white covered fields and or animals but there were no more. 
That is when I saw a ranch house off the road to my left. The sight brought me back to feeling somewhat safer or maybe it called me back to a sense of normalcy even though it was out in the middle of nowhere.  I pulled in the driveway.  I was in need of sharing my findings.  There were several vehicles parked around the house and outer buildings leading me to feel rather protected or maybe free from danger.  I am not sure why because at that point I should have been calling the authorities. The next thought was why?  What would I tell them?  Maybe something like: 
"Hi, my name is, and I just passed a wheat field soaking in a thick white milky substance and two very peace filled white animals with sparkling stars for eyes." Ya right.  The authorities would have called the padded wagon people for sure.
So what did I tell the people who lived in this ranch house?  Same deal?  I knocked at the front entrance.  I stood there for what seemed too long when a man finally answered the door.  I recited my name as though that would be all I would need to do and he would understand the entire story.  Of course not.  Funny what our minds do to us when we are nervous and wish to escape.  I proceeded to ask him what the milky substance in the wheat field adjacent to his residence was.  And I thought possibly he had misplaced a couple of animals.  He looked at me strangely, not saying a word.  I pressed my lips thin and raised my eyebrows in an expression as to say, "Well?" 
He answered with, "Maam, I don't know what you are talking about, while his eyes blazed coldly through me." 
I carefully and slowly reiterated what I had seen in the fields regarding the thick white milky substance and the animals, at which time he hollered very loudly for his brother Chetley.  Yes Chetley.  Who names their kid Chetley?  But then who tells a story like I had just told to Chetley, wiener’s brother!  Yes that was either my humorous side regarding the weiner brother or fear.  Maybe both as I am seeing something strange in the eyes of the brothers and it "aint" stars.  They are thinking there may be a crazy lady at their door, yet her story needed to be checked out.  They invited me inside and introduced me to the rest of the family.  Said they were going to go investigate my story and I was welcome to stay until their return.  I accepted.  Sometimes in life it would be helpful to be able to see ahead just a few hours!  If I could have done that my decision to stay would have been a very different one had it been in my control.
About thirty minutes had passed when Chetley and wiener hustled back into the ranch house with such intensity I felt twinges of anxiety rushing through my veins.  They instructed the family to gather all necessary belongings along with family photos and load the vehicles. 

I said, "Wait, why, what did you find out, out there?"
Chetley told me to stay in the living room and they would come and get me when the cars were loaded and it was time to leave. His face seemed to be convulsing with fear. And then they systematically moved about the house and yard readying themselves for what appeared to be a long vacation.  Inside I knew different.  Something big was happening and I was smack dab in the middle of it. But what?  I paced for a bit, sat for a bit, even turned on the television trying to disengage my brain and find that peace I had back near the "Milk Field." Only to gather my thoughts and realize I might be losing my mind. Wheat slumped in Milk, white cow and dog. I needed a doctor. And then…
As the TV came on saying "SPECIAL BULLETIN FROM NBC NEWS,"   Chetly and Weiner brother’s cars pulled out of the driveway without me!  And before I could run outside to join them, a helicopter was over the ranch house with a loud speaker saying anyone left inside was not to leave the area.  The area was now under quarantine.  I whirled around toward the TV and there was my loaner car and the ranch house in grand HD 55 inch view.  Who would ever need a 55 inch TV anyway? 
Gathering my wits about me had not worked.  I opened the front door only to see men in huge white suits covered from head to toe.  Oxygen tanks in tow.  Oh my dear God what is happening?  The men told me I was under quarantine orders from the United States department of defense. 
“Defense?”  I asked why please. 
They said they weren't able to give me any information at this time but that the quarantine was indefinite.  They would be in contact with me if I needed anything in the meantime.
“Meantime?  Indefinite?  Are you fricking serious?” 
I started running through the house out of shear fear and panic.  Then to the kitchen to see what food was available for indefinite which to me meant the same as infinity.  When I was a child I could never understand eternity.  Nor could I then, as I stood peering into the refrigator contemplating the connection of timelessness and food.  Neither was computing in any way.
I had my cell phone but the charger was in the car.  Was I allowed to go to my car?  I opened the front door again only to see the tanks arriving.  Yes army tanks outside on the County Road such and such.  It was obvious this woman, me, was going nowhere.  Who would I call anyway.
The TV was now giving me more information than the authorities.  It showed the field of thick milky substances and the two white peace-filled animals as well as the ranch house and my vehicle.  I wanted to go to the front door and wave at the camera's to help me but thought I had best not do that.  I was a foreigner in these parts.  I only said "howdie do" a couple times and that was just a mere attempt to fit in.  Well I had found a way to never fit in, hadn't I?
The night’s darkness came swiftly.  Something I hadn't thought about in all the ruckus of helicopters, news crews, police, fire trucks, and a HASMAT team....  and then they all disappeared.  NBC Bulletin said the foreign white substance could be deadly and the only human being that touched it was in quarantine inside the ranch house on County Road such and such.  Why I was terrified.  Not of death from the substance, but of human beings coming to get rid of the only person to have touched the goo.  I knew the goo wasn't bad.  It was white and peaceful.  Nothing like I had ever felt or touched had given me such peace on this earth.
Weariness had settled upon me. I fell into a deep sleep in Chetley’s big old brown leather recliner. I left the television running as it helped the loneliness of the situation.  Did the government think it was a disease? Who put it there?  How did the two animals get there and why? 
Just then a beautiful man in a white mist appeared before me.  I believed I was dreaming.  Or was I?  He told me "they" were from Another World and not to be afraid.  The milky substance was their creation given to us, the U.S. as an antidote to the latest killing virus Ebola.  The government would never know where it came from or why.  Only I had been allowed that information and to know the Ebola virus was no more. 

I asked why me?  The kind loving man told me because it was my time to have that special peace everlasting.  I had been chosen because I was the closest human being to the area when it was sprayed.   And by touching the animals I had received a dosage of anti-viral medicine beyond the level any human could endure....   I would be leaving with the men in white and the two animals for everlasting life elsewhere.  I had no fear.  The peace I felt from the other world didn't exist anywhere I had ever lived or traveled.  I asked what about the people left here.  Shouldn't we tell them about the healing from Ebola?  
He smiled and said, "No my dear, they wouldn't believe.  Each of them will come to a time in their lives such as you have this day.  Each in a different set of circumstances where it will be their time to go to the other World and have everlasting peace.” 
“Are you ready to go now?" 
I nodded and smiled an affirmative. I knew then I had died of the earth.
We rose in peace and ascended to a place where all the animals and people were pure amidst peace and perfect love.  It was then I also realized the little woman from the tire store in Okmulgee had been chosen by God to lead me gently through the miracle transition from earth to the Promised Land and my new everlasting life in the next room.

Monday, July 17, 2017

"AGORAPHOBIA"....(fear of Brocollli not)

I dedicate this vision to my Granddaughter (not biological but with me since she was 18 months old).
        I used to have Agoraphobia.  Oh yes, that horrible fear based dis-ease that keeps one from life, love, and the pursuit of anything.
        I learned I can hear from the spirit.  The good spirit.  And I did hear one day on October 20, 1999.  I also play with simple numerology which means that day  I heard and had this vision was...October 20, 1999 which adds up to the number 4.  The number 4 represents the teacher and the teacher likes Security. Yup that would be me and my not biological Granddaughter who really is.  We both like security and I rec'd this message from God on the perfect 4 day.  I am giving it to her 18 years later.  Here goes baby girl:

God took me on a FEARLESS Journey.  All the places you will read about I desperately feared.
I quote the words I heard from God. (The Spirit)

"I want you to cast out guilt this day.  I will back you.  I want you to cast out the demon of self defeat which is no more than listening to others too much. And fear of success. It is a part of self defeat. Call in success along with money.  SUCCESS. "
         I suddenly see a JET coming over us.  Me and God.  God tells me to go for a ride.  He says, "Grab a hold of the wing."  I do it. Then I become frightened and God says to let go and he will catch me. So I do and he catches me.  Suddenly, we are on a cloud.  I tell him that was cool was fun.  
        Then he takes me in his one arm and we soar down to an ocean liner.  He sets me on board.  I don't care for it. I have a huge fear of water. He tells me to just stand there for a while and he will be right back.  I don't care for it yet.  Then some people come by and we talk and laugh and I forget I am frightened.  The people invite me to a show on the boat.  I am afraid to leave the place where he left me as he was coming back. But I go anyway. I have so much fun at the fancy show.  And the food was so great.  The people leave and I go back to the place I was standing where he left me.  Many people pass and talk to me.  The islands are beautiful.  The breeze is cool and I can breath so well.  Then I see God.....he came back for me.  He took me back up and we sat on the cloud together.  Silently.  He wanted me to reflect on the day.  It is now getting dark. No one is around as we look down upon the earth. He tells me to stay there he will return in a while.  I don't care for that. I do not like to be out in the middle of no where alone.  (agoraphobia) I hear him say, "You are not alone. I am here." I say but I cant see  you Lord.
       He tells me, "But I have taken care of you all day have I not? And you had a wonderful day, did you not."  I say Okay. Then I sit in silence. No praying. No begging, no fear. Some discomfort, but I have total peace. I see a bright light from a beautiful star.  The star is like alive.  Like lighting the sky just for me. That star gave off a gentle light and with it came love and peace.  Like the star loved me.  So I wasn't alone.  I had a star that loved me.
       Later God returns. He hugs me and tells me to put my  head down and rest.  I fall asleep and he holds me until I awake.  I had no need to eat.  I was just there  in love and peace.  He told me we had a few more things to do before I could go back.  Suddenly I was in my car and he ws sitting next to me in the passenger side.   We were on the Interstate.  One of my biggest fears. Way out in no where land.  Not even a big Green Hiway sign or another car in sight. Scary to me.  But I am fine.  He was next to me.  We had some nice music on and he comments to me that he is a lover of music.  Good music.  Not necessarily always  Godly music but of course that also. He loves the praise of the Godly music. But the ability of his people to master the instruments and make such beautiful sounds from them.  We then visit and look at the beautiful earth that is passing by rather quickly as the speed limit is up there around 70ish, although I seems to be more like suspended in time somewhere speed.  I saw no rest stops ahead.  I saw no hospital signs that I usually look for when I would get frightened.  I didn't seem to need them.  I saw the most beautiful precious deer on the side of the road.  Then God tells me he has to leave, but he will be back in a while.  I do not want him to leave.  He reassures me I will be fine, that he is not far away.  I tell him I do not like to be alone out there.He assures me once again, I will be fine, he is not far away. Then he is gone.  I continue to drive and watch the road and signs and animals and now there are many cars around me.  Even a policeman passes me by.  I wonder if I have a flat tire what will I do? Then I forget that fear/thought. I wonder what I will do if I will get sick and am alone, then I forget that fear also.  I wonder if anyone knows where I am, then I forget that also.  I wonder if I choke and no one will be around to help me.  Then I see the beautiful trees and forget all that. I wonder if a car will hit me and I will die.  Then I suddenly hear the beautiful music he was speaking of and I forget the fears.  I wonder where I am going.....then I realize where.  I am going to a new place.  A place with no fear/broccoli.   (joke)  A place where I do not think of fear.  But of music and peace and animals and sky with clouds I can make into pictures and green grass and signs that say there is more life to see with each mile.
      .....suddenly he is back.  He is siting next to me and all is well after all.  As quickly as we got onto that Interstate Highway I was so afraid of ....we were back on the cloud.  He says, "How was that?" I tell him what happened ( as if he didn't know) and he replies, "I know."  I say, what's next Father.   He says....."Let's go fishing."  I say, I don't like little boats and the water.  I am not comfortable. He says...."We'll see."  Suddenly we are in a boat.  Not a very big one either. I am not comfortable. The water is moving and I am thinking I will get dizzy.  He calmly says...."Why don't you concentrate on your fishing line, and the beauty that surrounds you."  BLINK....I have a fish on my line. Wow, a pretty big one. I never caught anything but little bitty stinky ones before.  This was FUN.  I never noticed the water moving.  I was not dizzy...I was busy.  Then I caught another and another and I got to keep them.  God and I had fish together on the shore that night. I wasn't even cold.  And I forgot to be afraid.  God showed me the other side of fear. It was called FUN. He told me, "YOU DESERVE IT, YOU CAN HAVE IT. IT IS YOURS." I accepted that from him  Then he said we had one more thing to do.  We went to a place....a weird place.  Many people walking all over  and around us. As the people came up to us, God would ask me to tell him about them.  Individually.  I did.  I discerned them.  I discerned the spirits around them.  He quizzed me. I would tell him my first impression of each person.  Then I would name the spirits that inhabited them.  And if needed I would dust off my feet.  I would move on or speak more to the chosen ones.  I knew their feelings.  I knew their spirits. Their hearts. Their souls.  I knew. He had given me some gifts to use to help others.  He watched and listened and had a proud heart of me. He touched me with his love and gifts that I would touch others. He believed in me and bestowed that belief in me for others. HE never left me. I wasn't afraid anymore. I realized he was never far from me as he had shown me that over and over.  He had promised to come back to me each time and he did.  I really was never alone.  I am not abandoned.  I wont ever be.  I am not afraid as there are too many good things to see.  I am healed by the one who knows all.  By the teacher of all teachers.  He is my Heavenly Father who sits on a cloud within me and waits for me to sit with him.  And when I do he shows me whatever I need to see.  He shields me from what I do not need to see and shows me what I need to know and see.  With God on my cloud and my Angel, the gentle star lighting my way....there is no room for fear.  It is dead as the nerve in a dead body.  I am alive.  I am Diane....Alive and of God.

It was not an instant healing from AGORAPHOBIA but it was the death of it in my mind.... Anyone can take this journey....

Monday, May 8, 2017

Samsung 6

I have had my Samsung 6 phone for two years now.  Made the last payment today.  Have gone thru two lifetime warrantied plastic glass covers, and three safety covers.  I made the last payment today.
I had stopped into the corporate offices to have the latest ZAGG lifetime guaranteed glass cover put on for me.  Did I mention I made the last payment today.  While I was there I purchased  a new safety cover.  I was sitting with the Geek kid on one side of his cubby when I took my old cover off and laid it next to the new cover.  I looked at him and back at the two covers laying side by side on the desk..... I said in embarrassment:  "I tried to clean it.  I put it in the washing machine, the dishwasher, and soaked it in bleach.  It looks like a Nursing Home!  You know, all yellow and brown and it should have been discarded or dead long long ago. " Yes he laughed.  I said, "Dang thing has liver disease."  I feel I should go wash my hands again so I don't get it dirty. (I had just used the rest room and washed my hands)  He mentioned I could have purchased the black one.  I said, "No, girls don't like black."  He said, "Oh yes they do!"   And I said nothing because I felt a twinge of he meant something else.  He was trying to make a funny.  Maybe I should have bought the black one..  As I have gotten older, to say the least, I have learned what shows dirt and what doesn't.  Even emotional dirt...  And once again I failed at the test.

And this is the other cover my boyfriend (he is over 60 so what do I call him?) bought me at $80.00.
First time I dropped it.....broke.  I loved that cover.
The dirty one I replaced was $20 and it has saved me a ton of $$$.  So I have evolved and learned. I just need to replace it more often.  Eewww.  Did I mention I made my last payment today.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Living in an Abusive Relationship by an anonymous family member

This was written  by one of my family members:

A lot of people don't understand the depth of what it's like living in an abusive relationship. Some people are so lucky to have found a kind hearted partner that any form of abuse is unfathomable to them. They look at it as a foreign object. They say things like "Well, just leave."! What they don't realize is the amount of strength and mental preparation is takes to "just leave.". And, telling someone who's been abused to 'just leave' is, in a way, even more abusive than their partner. It makes us feel small, like something is wrong with us. Because we can't 'just leave', we aren't like you. We aren't human anymore. We've been beaten, mentally, and verbally abused. We are made to believe that we are worthless. That no one would ever want us. That our partners are the only ones who could love us because we are so "disgusting". Painful words like that are loving words in an abused persons mind. It's been drilled into our mind night after night, week after week. It's all we know. It's all I am. 

Leaving an abusive relationship is like walking over burning glass. If we could just handle the pain and make it to the other side we'd be ok. But sometimes the abuse doesn't even stop there. They continue to text you or call you and say even more hurtful things because they want you feel small. So small that you come crawling back with no energy. Because it's easier to stay than to continue to drown in such angry words. It's easier to ignore it. It's easier to be scared. 

It takes a mountain of strength. More strength than most people can carry. And when your mind has been abused for so long, that strength is next to empty. So, how do you keep fighting? How do you move on? How do you leave? 

Most would say: you don't. 

But I say, you do. You have to. Because what you will get in return is bigger than even that mountain of strength you had to carry. 

But even I can't take my own advice. Because abuse, abuse changes you. You become scared forever. It alters your brain. It alters your life. And sometimes you can never get that back.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

How Do I Stop Verbal Abuse? You Dont!!! ;

How Do I Stop Verbal Abuse?
The answer to “How Do I Stop Verbal Abuse?” is…drum roll, please…You can’t! I wish that you could control how another person speaks and how they act. But you can’t.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever asked your verbally abusive husband or boyfriend to speak to you in a nicer way. Raise your hand if you’ve tearfully begged your verbally abusive wife to be kinder to you. Wow. That’s a lot of hands.
Did it work? No. At least not forever. The next time your abuser felt turmoil, s/he used their anger or sly verbal manipulations to bring you down again because you cannot stop verbal abuse.

Why You Cannot Stop Verbal Abuse

So, you want to know how to stop verbal abuse? I will give you an answer, but you're probably not going to like it. Read on for your answers.Verbal abusers gain control and they benefit from abusing you. By abusing you, they feel more in control of your thoughts, emotions, and actions. When the abuser infiltrates your every thought, you’re more likely to do things and say things the abuser implanted in your mind. By controlling you, he or she gains more control over his or her life, too.
Your abuser knows that after verbally abusing you, you will react in predictable ways. You may cry, you may yell, but after awhile, you go back to them with an open heart, begging for them to love you. And every time you beg to be worthy of your abuser’s love, they get a self-esteem kick out of it.
Even if they are the ones begging you to love them again, they see your agreement as a win. The abuser does not compromise, even if he or she pretends to do so. Every conversation you have is either a win or loss for the abuser. And the abuser hates to lose. Therefore, your abuser will drone on and on and on until they feel like they’ve won. And the thrill of getting you back or winning the conversation is enough to keep them coming back for more.
Your desire for them to love you makes them feel important and in control. When you tell your abuser how you feel, or how you want things to be, or how much you love them, you give your abuser ammunition. By opening your heart to your abuser, s/he gains a little more insight into what makes you tick. When you open up, your abuser learns new ways to hurt you, and then files the information away for the next time s/he feels out of control and needs you to react in a predictable way so they can feel at peace and in control.
You can’t stop verbal abuse. You can’t stop your abuser from abusing you. They are too invested in you to ever stop abusing you. Your reactions to their abuse makes you an invaluable asset; an asset they do not want to abandon because they do not know how to feel good about themselves without you feeling badly.

More Bad News About Why You Can’t Stop Verbal Abuse

Here’s the next bit of bad news. You can’t teach them how to feel good about themselves in any “normal” way.
It doesn’t matter to them if you are the most successful psychologist in America whose focus is on healing families suffering from verbal abuse. It doesn’t matter to them how many other people think you are right or knowledgeable or deserve better treatment than the crap your abuser dishes out. You cannot teach an abuser to think differently because you are the target. The abuser’s self-proclaimed job is to make you less than who you are so they feel better about themselves. Period.So, you want to know how to stop verbal abuse? I will give you an answer, but you're probably not going to like it. Read on for your answers.

You Can’t Stop Verbal Abuse Because You Are Only A Target

Riflemen and bow hunters learn to hone their skill to hit the bullseye each and every time from the target they use for practice. An abuser learns how to hit you more accurately the next time – how to hit you verbally, emotionally, mentally or physically with greater effect – because you are the target he or she uses for practice.
The only thing you can do to stop the verbal abuse is to remove yourself from it. You must at the very least become a moving target. You can do that in several different ways. Some of you are not ready to physically leave your abuser, and that is okay.
Honestly, you may never leave your abuser. You may choose to stay in your abusive relationship for any number of reasons; I stayed in my abusive marriage for just shy of 18 years. If you choose to stay – it is a choice, believe it or not – there are still things you can do to help preserve your sanity.

A True Story: The Rigg Kennedy from FB

> The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry,
> to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited
> about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run
> down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time
> to have their first service on Christmas Eve.
> They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc., and on
> December 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On December
> a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two
> days.
> On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he
> that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by
> 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit,
> beginning about head high.
> The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to
> do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he
> noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for
> charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade,
> colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross
> embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover up
> hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.
> By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the
> opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor
> invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.
> She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a
> hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor
> could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire
> problem area.
> Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like
> a sheet.. "Pastor," she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?"
> The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner
> to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These
> were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years
> before, in Austria.
> The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just
> the Tablecloth. The woman explained that before the war she and her
> were well-to-do people in Austria. When the Nazis came, she was forced to
> leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. She was
> captured, sent to prison and never saw her husband or her home again.
> The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep
> it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home, that was the
> least he could do.. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was
> only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.
> What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost
> full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the
> pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they
> would return.
> One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood, continued
> to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't
> leaving.
> The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it
> was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in
> Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much
> alike.
> He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for
> her safety, and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put
> in a prison.. He never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years in
> between.
> The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride.
> They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had
> taken the woman three days earlier.
> He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's
> apartment knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he
> could ever imagine.
> True Story - submitted by Pastor Rob Reid
> Who says God does not work in mysterious ways..
> I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today. To guide you and
> protect you as you go along your way. His love is always with you, His
> promises are true, and when we give Him all our cares you know He will see
> us through. So when the road you're traveling on seems difficult at best..
> Just remember I'm here praying and God will do the rest.
> Pass this on to those you want God to bless, and don't forget to send it
> back to the one who asked God to bless you first

Saturday, March 18, 2017

The Ghost on Terrace Avenue

Today was like any other ordinary day not that I didn't wish for it to be more or even less depending on the subject matter.  I worked until mid afternoon, stopped at the second hand store only to find nothing, then the bank to deposit less then the usual weeks wage.  Thought about stopping for some groceries but turned that idea to the wind and went home.  As I pulled into the underground parking I wondered when the next time I would leave it would be.  I do like order and I like to know what's next but today I didn't have that privilege as tomorrow was a no work day with no plans. I unloaded the car, pulled the little Grannie cart full of to do's to the elevator and then first floor.  Unlocked the door to 101 to greet the oncoming rush of my three roommates. Gracie Allen, 7 lb. non yippee Chihuahua Pekingese mix, Bob the 11 pound rescue tiger cat, and Lucy Lou the beautiful "Snowshoe" rescue from the family funny farm.  Yes they all come to greet me!  Sometimes its annoying but mostly its swell.  Next I take Gracie out to podie.....  Today in Wisconsin we had sunshine.  Write that down because it is as rare around here lately as it is to hear TRump tell the truth.

Back to my point which I haven't even made yet but was headed for.  Gracie and I head out due East. ( A little drama)   We walked two blocks when I decided to turn back.  I could see someone walking toward us in the far distance but it wasn't a very clear image.  I recall thinking I might need new glasses because danged if I could get a clear vision of the person.  It was obvious this person was not walking normally.  I had an eerie feeling especially considering we were on a face to face collision course.  The closer we got the more eerie it got.  I considered crossing the street then unconsidered it as each step made that option impossible. It was too late.  Dear God what was that "thing" coming toward me?  I decided to pick Grace up ten paces before it struck us.  Did I think it would strike us?  No, but I sure knew something was not right.   I could not tell if "it" was a he or a she.   The closer "it" got caused me to shudder a hundred times under my skin. Ghost bumps as big as golf balls on every part of my being.  Swirls of fear and the anticipation of possible death surrounded me.  Drama?  Oh yes and no...."It" was real. "It" had long hair.  A hoodie over the hair and light gray eyes with dark dark circles surrounding them.  Really dark circles. A drawn sunken gray face to match the eyes.

  This person or thing walked not with a limp but with each step it placed all its body weight on first the left, then the right making it appear as though the legs were stiff or the hips didn't give even a centimeter.  The right hand held a small bag of just purchased something....and the left hand was hanging very low with its fist clenched. It come closer and closer until finally at my front left side.  I said, "Good afternoon."  "It" said NOTHING.  A cold forward stare sent more golf ball chills thru me like the cold icy winter wind of a blizzard.  There was no way I could continue walking in the opposite direction of "it."  I whirled around facing "it"  as I walked backwards holding Gracie.  "It" person never missed a beat...just walked like a robot down the sidewalk.  I remember thinking what if "it" turns around like I did and see's me walking backwards stalking "it."  Well I wasn't stalking, but I was unsure for sure. I considered following "it" to make sure "it" had a home "it" was going to.  Or to make sure "it" was real and not a ghost or dear God an Angel in disguise because I would have failed that test for real today.

I enjoy the paranormal but I am also cautious of "it".  Today was cautious day. The person I encountered was not friendly nor was it normal in appearance in any way. "It" was the most evil thing I have seen in person in a long long time if ever.  But in thinking on it rationally I wonder if "it" wasn't merely an old woman with no vehicle going to the PDQ for bread.  Nawh, it was an old man that went to the liquor store for a bottle of Wodka!  Or was "it" the ghost of Terrace Avenue and I am one of the few selected humans who have gotten to see it show itself.  Only the strong evil ones can manifest themselves after passing.  Regardless,  "It" thang scared the beegeebeeze outta me today.  Not that I would have changed a thing though.  I am thankful to be alive and cautious. I always say, "There are two being buried at the Regent Street Cemetery and one being dug for."  I'm good.
P.S.  This is a true story.

Monday, December 26, 2016

The Million Dollar Diane Ogden

This Chandelier really isn't a million dollars.  But it might as well be because it is $1,000.00.  I was looking through Craig's List today and happened upon this beautiful chandelier listed at $1,000.00. And it noted the crystals are Swarovski.  Really?  Well I guess I have had a Swarovski thousand dollar Chandelier hanging in my bedroom all these years.  And I got mine at the resale shop for $75.00.

I called this post The Million Dollar Chandelier because that is one of my favorite phrases....  Whether at the drive up banking teller or at J.C. Penney.  Whenever I am asked if there is anything else they can do for me I inevitably say, "Yes, a MILLION DOLLARS please."  It always brings a smile to the teller or clerk.  

So either I have an authentic Swarovski  Crystal Chandelier glistening and dancing above my head like a million in my bedroom, or the person on Craig's list is going to take someone for a fancy ride on a crystal chandeliers "tale." 
Either way, I love mine. 

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Maniac's or Maybe Just Diane Ogden

I was a thinking about having a very quiet relaxing weekend after cleaning FOURTEEN houses last week....  not to mention baking a few dozen cookies for my old bestie who had two brain aneurysms removed.  Shesshh I cant even spell those bloody things and that is just fine with me. I want no closeness to them whatsoever...  anyways...  I rec'd a text, no one calls anymore, especially if they are asking for favors.  It was my one and only daughter.  She told me my Granddaughter was begging to see me.  That merely meant my daughter was in dyer need of some respite.  Then I heard the typed words (yes you can hear typed words) reverberate in my head.... "Oh, Carson wants to come too!"  Okay, here's the deal.  Carson is my daughter's boyfriends son.  He is almost 5, so he is a 4. Said boyfriend has custody of that boy whose Mom left him and went off to California with her new boyfriend and her pregnant new child. I do not mean to be flippant.  It is serious for that young boy and ME if I am going to be a partaker of the situation.  Bottom line...I say YES!  No I type YES!  Really I am thrilled to have the kids yet a bit apprehensive.  To the point of calling one of my clients and asking what the heck I do with two 5 year olds.  You know, one almost 5 and one 5.  She gave me some ideas....not to mention it is freezing outside and I have donned myself in brown tights, brown boots with no lining, a pale peach light sweater (OMG, got it at Hells Gate, Wal Mart)meaning it is frail from China.  All this is saying, we are not going any of those outdoor activities she suggested.  I thanked her profusely and moved on.   It also entered my head that I had no kid food at my old grandma apartment.  Gawd, no mac n cheese, no candy, no caffeine poop, no pop...sorry.  No ice cream, no chips, no nadda nothin'.  Okay deal Nana D.  And so I did as I always do in this life.

I met them at a designated place.  They were so excited and so was I.  Was that dumb? Probably.  But we did have a blast.  We laughed the whole time except when they decide to "spank" Gma while she was preparing pancakes the morn after the day before. I say morn for a reason, see?  They hit my rear end with a force I had forgotten existed.  I tried to make a joke of it like I always do with all in life I don't like dealing with.  It didn't work. So I used the REAL VOICE.  Scared the bageebeez outta them. Little brats...

I did take them to the Christmas Light Show near Olin Park.  Carson, who has an issue with his bladder due to the issue with his mother abandoning him to California, had to pee.  There we were at a large park with  dog (Gracie) in the front seat, and two lil people in back seat,

one of which had to pee.  Shitski, so did I but as far as I could see we were screwed.  Then like a flash there they were....TWO BIG BLUE BUCKIES!

I squeezed through the orange barrels and parked.  Success I thought....nope.  LOCKED.  We walked over to the little booths where people volunteer to give out candy canes and doggie biscuits to the site seers.  No one told them the Buckies were locked...  some phone calls made and whalla I am standing behind a little boy who thank GOD and all his ANGELS made it.  I gotta say it was sooo cold in that Bucky I thought he would freeze it.  I also have to say how clean it was.  Heck I would have sat on that one without hesitation.  Probably because we were the first ones to use it all day. And then we drove away to the Grocery store for kid food.

What was I thinking?  They each grabbed a "customer in training" tiny cart and took off.  Need I say more.  I will say we did cause a lot of laughter as we "carted" thru Metcalfs West Town Mall.  We got Milk, organic mac n cheese, cheese, Orange juice, Ice Cream, and GUM.  I forgot what else.  We or I survived.

We arrived home.
 They threw things at each other in my little apt.  I took them to a Christmas Cookie gathering of the tenants I have never met as I have recently moved in here.   I was scared to flippin life they would mess up.  We went upstairs.....they were good.

Then they went into the bedroom with permission from another Gma and they proceeded to KILL IT!  We left with two choc chip cookies wrapped in poinsettia napkins never to return.

Actually it was a fun two days.  I miss them already.  Sort of.

Friday, December 2, 2016

My New Christmas Diane Ogden

Sounds like the title of a Children's book or like I just got a new kitten named Mittens! No, I really did get a new pair of mittens.  And I got them off a Christmas Tree where I get my  nails done.....albeit, "My new Christmas Mittens. "

They are amazing....
$25.00..... very well made.  White fleece lined.  Sooo warm.
I will keep them in my vehicle at all times with my winter safety kit.  I better work on that kit considering I hear 2" are due by morning.  A little or a lot of snow would be nice for the season.  Then no more....
Feel free to email this wonderful lady for a pair of her Christmas Mittens...  that are nothing to do with cats or children's books.
When I wear them I feel like I am wearing one of those expensive hand knit sweaters from Norway.
No really!

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Middleton, Wisconsin........"Coming Home!"

Okay, so I have moved twice in the past six months due to personal issues.  Before that I lived in the same place for thirteen plus years.

I found a place to call home in Middleton, Wisconsin.  I hated it before I ever arrived....but that had to do with the unresolved personal issues.  And to be honest I hated it or I should say I didn't feel I belonged here for quite some time.  (I would say sixty days from the day I stood in here staring at the lease for at least ten minutes plus with the most anxiety I have felt since I crossed the Mississippi Bridge thirty years plus ago)  But then as I started moving things in and residents came to me in hallways inviting me to coffee's and luncheons and Christmas Cookie affairs, as well as they came introducing themselves in the underground parking, outside dog walking, entrances, and elevator!  I began (duh) to notice the unusual friendliness.  I cannot say I have ever experienced that anywhere I have ever lived in my life...  I have experienced it at Corporate positive sales meetings.  But this was a far cry from that!  You only know what I am talking about if you have ever experienced it.  Sort of like a multi-level push team go go pep rally. No Seriously.  Maybe that means I am where I am supposed to be.  Ya' think?

A few days after moving in..... One of my neighbors who is actually a high school classmate who came by with two of the most amazing cupcakes I have ever eaten in my life from Blooms Bakery.  And now I will have to FIGHT off that desire daily for however long I live here..  In fact I eat less all week so I can indulge in at least two of them on the weekend.  I tell you its worse then when I used to smoke years ago...  Yup for real, my weakness is cake and cupcakes are itty bitty cakes.  I'm so screwed!

I am not sure I have ever blogged about my love of trains.  Well I love trains.  My Grandfather loved trains enough to have the HO set up right down to the grain cars at the Mill getting loaded with real grain. Not to mention real smoke coming out of the old engines.  What's my point?  The window in my office where I am typing this is a mere umpteen feet from the tracks where I get to hear the whistle and roar of the wheels a couple times a day. Add to that the view of the old train station is within a stones throw. It is all good and very peaceful.

Also, The famous POLAR EXPRESS happens about a mile from me here in Middleton.  You can board a train, go for a ride with the kiddos, receive Santa, Elves, and treats in a festive atmosphere.

I walked to downtown Old Middleton today which is a whole block away. Stopped at the local florist whose owner is Tiffany.  She also does Interior Designing.  She talked to me like I was her family. Gave me a rose on my way out when she learned I was new to town, not to mention lived in her back yard.

And then it was onto the Middleton Dress Shop.  And then to another...where the owner took the time to show me how to "DO" these new neck scarves the size of Alaska.  I think I will need to buy some of them soon.  I like them more now that I have the knowledge of how to wrap 'em.

Had some errands that took me to Middleton Ace Hardware, ALIAS: Wolfe Kubly and Hursig:  My Lord you can do some serious shopping there.  Also noticed a Community Pharmacy in the same strip mall where I just might be able to get some lactose free medicine! And a place called SAVVY.  They sell gently used furniture and clothing.  Fun place.

The most up to date (I prefer the old-town) shopping is at Greenway Station.  So many shops. Anything you need you can find except groceries. I did find a creative key hanger...  But I left behind something I have always wanted since mine broke as a kid.... A HUGE PINK PIGGY BANK....I may go back and get it.  Screw appropriate age issue.  I had it in my cart when I suddenly felt I put it back. Ding Ding Ding wrong thought!

Did I mention they have a special little restaurant for Italian food, a special one for pizza, and a couple of little bars for the locals. Not that I would frequent.  Well I might.

What's my point?  I have to say I have never lived or experienced such kindness, such reaching out, such friendliness...such PEACE anywhere ever in my life.  I am home.

Oh, I forgot to mention.  My Grandma and Grandpa Jungbluth are buried at St. Luke's Cemetery less then a mile from my place.  And, my ancestors from Germany settled  here in the 1800's.  Half the family went to Nebraska and the other half right here in good old Middleton, Wisconsin. In fact my landlord has done business and is acquainted with my first cousin and my Father's God son, Richard Hinricks.  Imagine that!

Soo....  I am here to stay for  awhile.  I love it. I am at home.  I am at peace. I am happy.  I am Thankful. Now all I need is about a Million Dollars.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Meghan Kelly, Gretchen Carlson and Me..... By Diane Ogden

Sexual harassment is as old as time.   It moves swiftly unnoticed and is also as quiet as time.  You don't have to be beautiful to have it happen to you.  Although it happens more if you are. Sexual harassment or abuse began for me at age fifteen in my doctors office by my doctor himself.  No names.  And his harassment continued and or returned when I was in my early twenties.  Also, a local High School Principle.  A Jr. High History teacher. And most of the boys in school....and  Date raped later in teen years.  Who does a girl learn to trust regarding men?  Hit on by my bosses, (give (someone) orders in a domineering manner. A person in charge)  most of my life.  Cornered in elevators, cars, planes, boats, elevators, bars, movie theaters, under a tree at night by the groundskeeper.  And the list goes on.  And on.  With age, a lot of "aging".... I learned how to curb it, how to escape it, how to hit it head on, and how to live with it and through it.
                                                              (In this photo I was 14 or 15 years old)

Sexual harassment is someone exercising unwanted verbally controlling comments and or actions  over another.  In this blogpost, Me.   Some (usually men) would say we women put ourselves in situations that asked for such behavior. Or we wear/wore clothing that says it okay to be sexually harassed or abused.  Bullshit for the most part anyway.  Maybe some women do but most do not.  I was basically a child with no idea how to deal with such a strong force of nature: hormonal men. Was that love? Well, that was my initial meeting with the opposite sex now wasn't it.  And shame on them. A doctor, a H.S. Principle,(not the principle where I went to school) and a history teacher, the dentist, the leader of the band, the fire chief (Not from my home town)!!  In watching the news this week and Meghan Kelly on Dr. Phil.....And Gretchen Carlson on 20/20... GOD I was just a child compared to their stories.  Meghan Kelly was a strong woman in a strong position, yet she couldn't and didn't handle it properly.... or was afraid to.  Look at all the women, try like 50!! That Dr. Huxtable, alias, Bill Cosby crossed the line with!!  And he is getting away with it.  Then there is Trump the hump....and so on and so on.  All the way back to Thomas Jefferson and Bill Clinton.  Under the desk with a rubber hose...NO NO that was John Travolta and Kotter!  What was I thinking?  We all know what I was thinking..... Cigars and blow jobs in the Oval Office.

I tried to teach my daughter and Granddaughters that men need a home for "hairy."  Most will say and do anything to get that home for "Hairy!"  I have also taught them that every time they hear the roar of a is a man straddling a woman (his Harley) legs spread, sitting in a power position, revving the engine like it is the orgasm he dreams of... Loud and engaging and all powerful.  All the things he probably is not in true life.

I have also taught them about the other man.  The good man.  He may have a gay side....which simply means he remembers flowers, compliments, is able to think partially like a woman to an acceptable degree...  He understands her feelings, her decorating issues, her magazines.... and many of her why's and needs. He isn't ALL MALE testosterone...  Rather he cares, loves, feels what she feels more than most men and most of all if he doesn't he pretends to as he smiles and holds her tenderly.  The farther-est thing from sexual harassment on earth.

I wasn't taught that, but then most little girls from the baby boomer generation were not taught that. We were to cook, clean, love our husbands no matter what, tend the children, and clean the house and do the laundry and do not complain no matter what.  Then suddenly we were thrown into the work force where men ruled.  They thought they ruled us, and they did for many decades.  In fact those old cronies haven't all died off yet.  Nor have their old thoughts and ways. 

Do not let me leave out the religious freaks.  The ones that believe the man rules the roost.  Whether he has he sense to or not.  They used God.  Some, no most of those thought that gave them the right and freedom to do whatever they chose to their wives or women.  When the woman went crazy during menopause they would pray and that is all they would do!!  My least favorite of all men..... God would never treat his women followers as those religious husbands did and do.

My Point:  I have been sexually harassed all my life.  IT feels Unclean. Wrong.  Dirty.  Outofline. Ungodly. Intrusive. Overbearing. Controlling.  Abusive.  Ill- legal. Disgusting. Unhealthy. Frightening. And at my adult age now....Pissed off!!!  Why do they continue to get away with it....  ??

I have more I could share from my life experiences of sexual harassment  but it isn't necessary....  Too scary to share as our society tends to have become more gladiator type arena's then I could ever have imagined.  I don't wish to be stoned or put in the arena with a lions.  I have already experienced that with men...

Not that I have never met a few good ones.  I have.  Those are the ones that don't touch rather they FEEL with their hearts.  Girls.... watch for those men.  The Good Men with their heart and their head and their penis as one!!  Few and far between but they are out there.